I cursed under my breath. These unchecked images kept slipping in, igniting my blood, and stealing every coherent thought away.
“I know it doesn’t matter what I say...”
I watched him trying to find the words. He was quiet for a long time and I could not take it any longer.
“Look. You think I don’t get it. But I understand. It’s dangerous. Every time I go out there... there’s risk. I’m not stupid. I know that,” I said.
Victor traced his hand through his hair. I could clearly see the thin strip of fabric that was wrapped around his wrist. His eyes darkened as he lifted his gaze to me.
I was unsure how to deal with this new version of Victor. He always had a quick wit, sarcastic was his usual tone, and he was never particularly serious about anything. But that had been missing since I went on the first mission.
Why was he so worried? Haven’t I proven myself to the others? Did he still consider me to be the weakest link?
“I promise, I won’t take any chances. Now I know what’s out there. I’m just going to observe. I’ll get to high ground and monitor. I’m going to be careful. I give Mahin what she wants, and we get out of here. We go back to Darragh. Together.”
He continued to watch me, as if unconvinced, his light grey eyes full of secrets.
“Frid.”
He took a step forward, but before he could continue, a light knock sounded at the door.
I looked at Victor, who never took his eyes off me.
“I need to go.” I exhaled.
Instead of saying anything, he wrapped his arms around me so tight that, for a moment, I forgot how to breathe. His familiar scent, his warmth, the strength of his body against mine was like finally coming home after a long and lonely journey. Timidly, I lifted my hand and pressed my fingers against his back, gripping his linen shirt. In this moment, I felt safer than ever before, as if I had found the place where I truly belonged.
The knock sounded again, more insistent, but I only turned my head toward the door, unable to let him go. If only I could stay like this forever, stay on this side of the impossible.
“I can’t lose you,” he whispered and his soft breath brushed against my ear.
My mouth opened, but all words escaped me. I wanted to say so much. But if I did, I would definitely mention something that I was not ready to face, and he would not be able to forget.
“Frid!” Amira’s voice sounded on the other side.
Our eyes met. Victor’s hands slid slowly to my forearms. Sweet, torturous shivers ran down my spine, setting my body ablaze.
“I have to go,” I whispered, but made no attempt to move.
Then he released me, and a deep, overwhelming emptiness filled my heart as I stepped to the door.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
ALINA
Isat at the head of the table. Lord Rutherford had sent his regards, declining to join us for dinner. An obvious sign that whatever game he was playing was still in motion. I was surrounded by my clan warriors who had been instructed to follow me everywhere since I was caught sneaking out to the market. The empty chair beside me spoke louder than anything else in the room. Tynan still had not returned, and there was no way for me to find out what was happening because both Sage and Mayer were with him.
Was something wrong at the border? Was Tynan injured? Or had he already grown so tired of me that he needed time away?
I lifted my eyes, examining the dining hall. It was so incredibly quiet in the space filled with heavy wooden tables and benches. The knights of the enemy clan were shamelessly scrutinizing me. No doubt wondering where my husband was. I carefully chewed my food, feeling not even a hint of hunger. The smell of baked chicken and sweet wine made my stomach turn.
Augusta moved her head and I felt her eyes on me. Her gaze felt cold, appraising, inquiring. Her back was artificially straight, her light hair was lifted up into a high twist. She looked straight ahead and slowly patted her lips with a napkin.
I could remember my father frequently disappearing from his wife, and how wretched it always made her. Back then, I blamed her for pushing him away with her constant neurotic fits. I knew how much the two of them argued. As I got older, I understood better. He would leave for weeks at a time to hunt with his men. There was no way of knowing what exactly he was doing. My stepmother just stayed home, all alone, taking care of his kids from other marriages. My brother and I were only related by our paternal bloodline.
I picked up an elaborately decorated goblet and traced my fingers along its stem. Its sides reflected the light of multiple candles and shimmered brightly with gold and copper.
From the corner of my eye, I watched as my maid approached me.
