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Leaving. Shipping out. For Afghanistan. Now.
The maybes, the what-ifs, they vanished with those words.
“But you just got home,” she said, echoing what she’d repeated over and over to another man in what felt like another life.
“I signed up to fill the shortfalls.”
“You asked to go back?”
“If they needed me. And they do.” There was so much sadness in his brown eyes. “One of our helicopters was hit. Only two PJs survived.”
“Oh, God.” Those poor men—and their families, probably opening their doors to a person wearing a uniform. Those wives, mothers, fathers and children sitting down and listening as the stranger cut apart their lives with news no one imagines would hurt so damn much.
“Did you know them?” she asked.
“I didn’t find out who was in the helicopter,” he said. “They haven’t notified all of the families.”
“Of course.” Her body was numb, and it felt as if her world was shifting to autopilot. Jango moved to her side, pressing against her leg. She reached down and touched the top of his head. “When do you leave?”
“In the morning. First thing. I’ll see if T.J. or Luke will give me a ride to the airport. I know you need to be here with your dogs.”
“I’m sure one of them will.”
Mark stepped forward, his brow knitted together. “Amy, I meant what I said before the call. Over the past few days, you’ve become a part of my life that I don’t want to walk away from. I never thought I’d feel that way about anyone. For so long, I thought I was lucky that no one was waiting for me back home. I told myself I wasn’t worth the heartache.”
Her anger sparked. “Don’t you dare say that.”
He moved closer, stopping within arm’s reach. Amy ran her fingers through Jango’s short hair. She refused to give in to the temptation to touch Mark, kiss him and draw him close. He was leaving, damn it.
“You’re an amazing man, Mark.” Her voice wavered as she said his name.
“I’m glad you think so.” He offered her a tentative smile. “Because I don’t want this to be goodbye. In four months, six months, whenever this tour ends, I want to come back to you. You told me that I deserved a home. I want it to be with you.”
Her hand stilled on the top of Jango’s head. “You can’t promise you’ll come back.”
His smile disappeared. “No. I can’t. But there is a long list of promises that I can make to you. I swear on my mother’s grave that I will never break your trust. And you have my word that I will help you follow your dreams. I’ll be there for you as a friend and lover. I promise to do my best to stay safe every time a mission drops and my team heads out.
“I’m good at what I do, Amy. If that offers you any comfort, know that I take every precaution when my life and my team’s lives are at stake. But we still go in, and we rescue the person who has fallen. Maybe I took on this job because of my childhood, because I wanted to prove I could be so much more than that quiet kid, to show the world that I can help people. I don’t know. And in the moment when another man or woman’s life depends on me doing my job, it doesn’t matter why I’m there.”
Part of her wanted to scream, Yes, I’ll wait for you! But fear rose up like a wild animal threatening to tear her to pieces. Maybe it made her the greediest person on the planet, but she had her calling and he had his. They’d shared so much over the years, growing closer these past few days, becoming lovers... But their work, their passions, were like parallel paths that never intersected.
“Amy?” He ran the back of his hand over her cheek.
“I’ve finally found a way to move on,” she said slowly. “I’m sorry, Mark, but I can’t go back. The deployments, the fear, the not knowing...I can’t do it again. You should have someone to come home to. But that person isn’t me.”
“I understand,” he said tightly. “You were clear about the rules from the beginning. I just thought... Shit, it doesn’t matter what I thought.”
“I’m sorry,” she repeated, her voice shaking.
His brown eyes studied her as if trying to memorize every last detail of her face, knowing he wouldn’t be coming back. At least, not here.
Amy fought back a sob at the thought of losing him completely. “I have no right to ask,” she said. “But will you keep in touch?”
“I’ll try.” He nodded to the doorway. “I should go. I’ll call T.J. and ask for a ride.”
He turned to leave, and she reached for him. “Wait. Before you go.”
She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight, feeling every solid inch of him pressed up against her. This time, the feel of his body offered comfort, not lust. Mark was strong. And he was a fighter. He’d stay safe and come home alive.
