And what if the man has already taken your heart and cracked it?
She supposed she wouldn’t get to ask that question now, as she looked around for a friendlier face. The guests weren’t interested in her; they talked among themselves in self-important clusters. Katherine was busy in the kitchens, Mr. Miller had been called away to perform carriage duties, and Jeremy… He was talking with Colin, and she was not yet ready to speak to either of them, no matter how sorry they might be.
Delighted that no one was paying her any attention, she decided to follow Beatrice’s lead. With her head down to make herself less conspicuous, she made her way across the room and out the door, and didn’t stop until she was outside her bedchambers.
The peace that overwhelmed her as she stepped into her room was unparalleled,despitethe circumstances of the day. Here, among her familiar things and sights and smells, relief unraveled the tension that had been knotting her muscles and limbs all day.
I should ask Katherine if I might have a bath.The thought of submerging herself in fragrant, hot water was a tantalizing prospect.
“No, I should not bother her,” she murmured sadly, as she padded across the room and sat on the edge of the bed, facing the window.
Groaning as her fatigued body complained, she reached down to unfasten her shoes. Next, she slowly unpeeled her stockings from her legs and shimmied out of the drawers she favored, though she knew they were unfashionable. Then again, who would see them but her?
She felt she could breathe again as she untied the ribbon beneath her bust and tossed it aside, then grasped her skirts and pulled her wedding gown up and over her head. Shedding the weight of it alone was a sweet kind of relief, her chemisette following it to the floor, until she stood there in nothing but her shift and stays.
Wincing as her shoulders protested, she reached back to find the knot of the undergarment’s laces… and jumped in fright as a familiar voice purred from the doorway, “I am the one who should be doing that.”
CHAPTER 26
“Go away,” Anna blurted out, her arms wrapping around herself as if she were naked and not concealed by her shift and stays.
The sudden urge to laugh tickled Jeremy’s throat, for those weren’t quite the words a husband wished to hear on his wedding night. Yet, it was perfectly her… and perfectly understandable.
“I thought ye might need someone to help who’s good with their hands,” he said, leaning against the doorjamb, admiring her before she actually kicked him out.
The golden haze of the sunset, shining through the window behind her, taunted him with the silhouette of her curves beneath that thin shift. A figure he longed to explore more diligently, and thrills he was eager to introduce her to.
“Ye can’t be too careful with knots and fastenings,” he added, with a nod in the direction of her stays.
“Stop that at once,” she muttered, a rather grumpy bride. “Stop flirting with me. Stop standing there. Stop following me to rooms where you are not welcome.”
He smiled regardless. “Where would ye have me stand instead? Closer? Should I wait for ye to welcome me in?”
“I do not care where you stand, as long as it is nowhere near here,” she retorted, her chin raised in defiance. “Yes, we are married now. Yes, I realize it is our wedding night, but, as you said yourself, this is naught but a marriage of convenience. We shall do our public duty, and that is all.”
“Yeare the one who called it a marriage of convenience,” he replied, with a step forward into the bedchamber. “As for duty—ye moaning me name has nothing to do with duty. I certainly wouldn’t expect to hear it in public, either, unless ye were so inclined.”
Her cheeks pinkened and her eyes widened as she hugged herself tighter, a sharp breath moving her chest. He couldn’t tell if what he’d said was about to earn him a slap or an invitation, but he approached assuming it would be one or the other. And he would accept whichever she chose to give.
“Enough,” she rasped. “You cannot… say such things to me.”
“Are ye not me wife?”
Her throat bobbed, her hand rubbing slow circles against her chest as if to slow her breathing. “That has nothing to do with it. I am your wife in name only, as you wanted.” She hesitated. “No expectations, remember? And if you cannot love me, I cannot be your wife in more than appearance.”
His heart twinged as he continued toward her, moving slowly as though he were trying to calm a spooked horse. He wasn’t convinced that he couldhelpbut love her or that his heart wasn’t already wholly hers, but the trick was never admitting it, not even to himself. If he did, it would drive him mad, thinking of all the ways he could lose her. All the ways she could lose him and be destroyed by it.
She didn’t back away as he stopped in front of her, her hazel eyes half-scrunched in confusion. Her arms were still wrapped around herself, though the embrace seemed to be relaxing.
“I missed ye,” he said, as he brought his hand to her cheek, gently brushing the rosy apple with his thumb.
Her breath hitched. “Do not say that.”
“I can’t lie to ye.” He leaned in. “I missed ye this week.”
She scoffed and turned her face away, though she didn’t smack his hand away. “You missed me because you had to contend with a manor full of ingrates by yourself. I realize the reason you hadto invite them to stay longer, but I cannot wait until they are gone so that things can return to normal.”
He slowly nodded his head, while knowing that nothing would ever be the same again. There could be no ‘normal,’ now that she was his. If she were truly determined to keep him from her chambers and her side, he would take leave of his senses, as agitated as a pacing dog. If she allowed him in, allowed him to be a husband in the bedchamber at least, the fear of the future would consume him.
