She stopped mid-sentence, pressing her lips together as if the words were too dangerous to speak aloud.The silence that followed throbbed, heavy and suffocating.Softly she finished, “If that beautiful woman dies, we will lose Josh too.We all know he won’t find his way back.We never really got him back the last time she left him.If she’s gone for sure… Losing one of my sons before I die is enough.I refuse to lose two.”She gripped my hand so tight it hurt.
I squeezed her hand and tried to get her to loosen up a bit.She was right.Erika gone… I couldn’t go there.
Timothy lowered his gaze, shoulders folding inward.“I’m sorry, Josh,” he murmured, voice rougher than I’d ever heard it.“Mom’s right.”He paused, swallowing hard, like the words were scraping their way out of him.“Erika was right about me being messed up about everything.I need help.I know that.It was a shit thing of me to do that with Milly when she was still seeing you.But honestly, you never wanted her as much as I do.We click.You guys don’t.”
Timothy ran a hand over his face, trying to steady himself, but his voice wavered anyway.“I—I like Erika.For you, I mean.I think she’s good for you.”His throat worked around another swallow, like he was trying to push down everything he didn’t know how to say.
“And the baby?”I prompted.
Timothy sighed.“I don’t know where that’s going.”
“You liked Milly enough to get it on with her without being careful,” Mom said.“I taught you better than that.When you make a child, your life is no longer your own.If she carries it past three months, you’ll put a ring on her finger and make my grandchild legit.”Said as if it was the end of the story.“After that, it’s up to you two to figure out if you can stay together or if you’ll end up with another ex-wife.Now be quiet and pray with us.”
The silence around us tightened, thick with grief and fear and love twisted into something painful.Timothy looked up, eyes pleading for escape.“I’m…I’m gonna grab some coffee,” he said, already standing.“Anyone want anything?”
I just shook my head, not trusting my voice.
He nodded once, quickly, and turned away too fast—like if he moved slow, he’d shatter right there in front of us.Watching him walk off, I realized every single one of us was rattled.
Long minutes later, Vinny sat beside me again.He chewed on a nail that was already too short.“Coach, uh, Josh…I…”
“Yeah?”I prompted, gently.
Timothy returned and sat on the other side of Vinny with a cheap to-go cup in his right hand.One of his legs popped a rapid up and down beat.
In the smallest, trembling voice, Vinny whispered, “If Erika doesn’t make it… If she dies, what happens to me?”
My chest tightened.I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into me like I could shield him from all the grief he’d already had to endure.“Hey, look at me.”I waited until he looked up but didn’t let him go.“You’ll stay with me.”
His breath hitched, and the fear in his voice cracked something open inside me.“Won’t they… Won’t the child service people put me up for adoption or something?”His words broke apart, shaking, tears spilling.
“No,” I said, firmer this time, because he needed certainty.I looked over at Mom.Her eyes were glassy, on the edge of tears.And then I glanced at Timothy, who looked startled, almost gutted.Suddenly, it made sense to me.Vinny was about the same age as our brother had been when we lost him.Maybe this was our chance to do it right.Maybe this was grace, handed to us raw and unexpected.
I cupped the back of Vinny’s head.“You’re ours now.You hear me?You’re a part of this family.My family.And I’m not letting you go.You’ll stay with me.”
Mom reached out and took Vinny’s hand, her voice breaking.“We’ve got you, sweetheart.We’ve got you.”
Timothy nodded, swallowing hard, like he was trying to keep control.He managed a shaky laugh, although I saw tears burning in his eyes.“We’re a pretty messed-up bunch, Vinny.You might want to think twice before you sign up for this circus.”
Vinny’s fingers twisted into my shirt, holding on like he finally believed he wasn’t about to be abandoned again.
For the first time in a long time, it felt like the broken bits of all of us might fit together.
ChapterThirty-Six
ERIKA
Everything felt foggy,like I was underwater and too far from the surface.My head throbbed with every breath I pulled in.The steady beep of a monitor tracked my heartbeat somewhere to the side, sharp and relentless.Lines and tubes were everywhere—taped to my skin, snaking across the bed.Two fluid bags hung above me, one filled with blood.I felt the pull of IV lines in each arm, tethering me in place.
“How are you feeling?”asked a kind voice I found belonged to a person wearing teal scrubs, her hair in a bun.“I’m Raelynn, one of the nurses here at the hospital.If you can remain calm, I need to leave you alone for a moment.I’m going to get Dr.Murray.”
A while later, an Indian woman with gray streaks in her hair leaned into my vision.She shone a light into my eyes.“I’m Dr.Murray.Can you tell me your name?”
“Erika.Erika Chomping.”
“Well, Erika, you got a good hit to your head.There’s a concussion, but it’s nothing time won’t heal.You’re lucky.However, you got a comminuted rib fracture that punctured a lung and went through your diaphragm into your liver.You lost a lot of blood and we had to do surgery.”
“Do I have a drain?”I slid my hand to feel toward my abdomen.
