“Did you take something or drink something?”No evidence of paraphernalia or a pill vial.
“What’s wrong?I didn’t do anything.I’m just tired of everything and everyone.If there’s a new crisis… Not tonight.”His head flopped back against the sofa again.“I’m not on call.You are.Leave me alone.”
I gripped his arm.“Swear to me you didn’t take anything.”
“I drank a beer.”
I leaned in to stare at his eyes.No drug-induced dilation.I straddled to sit across his hips and hugged him tight, even if I couldn’t get my arms all the way around him.“I thought I lost you when you didn’t answer the door.Marty said you wouldn’t reply to her texts.Then you didn’t reply to me either.”
“Lost me to what?”He stiffened in my embrace.“Why are you here?”
“You had a very bad day.So many vets suicide after one of these days.I wasn’t sure.”I leaned back to really look at him.He looked like the boy I never stopped loving.The boy who turned into an adult, and I loved him too.After I brushed hair off his face and out of his eyes; leaning in, I kissed him gently.“You might make me mad enough to spit but I can’t do any of this if you aren’t here.Just the thought of you…”
His hands wrapped me to hold me against him.“I’m right here.”
I whispered, “You’re a great vet.You had a shitty day.People took their stress out on you, but you didn’t do anything wrong.Then you broke up with your girlfriend.”
“I could’ve done better today.”It came out gruff.
I let go to sit up.“You did the best you could.”I ran my thumb over the knuckles of the hand he held closest to me.“That’s all any of us can do.Look at me.”I waited until he did, which took so long that I almost forced him to look.“I want to hear you sayI am a great vet.”
“I’m a great vet.Does that make you happy?”His question lacked enthusiasm.“I don’t need a confidence booster.I’m good.”
“You don’t lookgood.I want you to say out loud:I am the sexiest man in town who drives all the women crazy.”
“I’m not saying that bullshit.”
That had a bit more of the bite I expected.Good.
“Are you not going to say it because you don’t believe it, or do you have a smidge of modesty I don’t know about?”I tried not to smile.
“There’s only one woman I hope I drive crazy.”His large hands roamed up my back.The air between us became charged with something different.It buzzed with repressed feelings, desperation, and longing.
His eyelids closed.“You should go.Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?”I rocked back, still balanced on his lap.
“Don’t give me hope.”
Hope is what kept me from taking a breath.I slid closer, pressing a kiss to his jaw.“Pretty sure I already did that.At least, hope in the sense that I want you in a way that defies logic.”
He dropped his head, groaning my name.
I kissed along his neck and tugged his scrub top down to gain access to a collarbone.
“I can’t resist this.It’s been a hell of a day.”His voice had taken on a husky tone.“I don’t want to be your next mistake.”
“I didn’t come over here for this.But…” I reached down to cup him through his pants, feeling him swollen and huge against my palm.“You don’t need to save me from you.Seems like you already tried to do that once long ago.We need to talk about that.”
“Some other time.”He lost whatever bit of self-control remained.He grabbed the back of my head and kissed me so hungrily I thought I was going to die from asphyxiation.He pulled away to remove my shirt.At the same time, I pulled his scrub top over his head.
I hadn’t seen him shirtless.His upper body was sparsely haired, with taut muscles that he must work hard to keep.The ridges led to more ridges that disappeared into jeans that did nothing to hide the massive tent his groin was pitching.I dragged my gaze up from the strong contours to find him watching me with heavy lidded eyes.
I wanted him so much.This was bad.We’d both probably suffer professionally.Or he might hurt me again.But I knew this man.Josh wasn’t selfish or entitled, even if I threw those labels at him when I was angry.He was loyal and caring.He was protective, which I didn’tthinkI needed, but maybe I did.I could live without someone looking out for me, but I’d missed him doing it.He’d always been the one there for me through the hardest parts of my younger years.
He put a hand lightly on my waist and stared at me.As in, he stared at my body, at least the parts I’d just bared.He kept on staring to the point I wiggled and wondered if there was something wrong.
He whispered, “You’re so unbelievably beautiful.We don’t have to do this, not if you’re just making a point or trying to make me feel better.”
