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“Branford, I love you,” I said as I reached up and put my hands around his neck. I felt him tense under my touch.
“How can you?” he asked, and his eyes beseeched me for an answer. “After…after what I have done? When I told you I would keep to you…you are all I ever wanted.”
“I know, my Branford,” I told him. “All of this has been…terrifying. I never know where you have gone afterwards…and it is sometimes days before you return to me. You will not let me…be with you. You will not let me care for you, which is what I am supposed to do.”
Blinking rapidly, I tried to hold back my tears.
“On the night we were married, you told me what you expected of me as your wife,” I reminded him. “Do you remember?”
Branford nodded.
“You said I was to respect you and learn to conduct myself as your wife so as not to embarrass you,” I said. “You said I was to care for you as a wife should, to keep our rooms in order, and to…to someday…”
I dropped my eyes and swallowed past the lump in my throat.
“I have already failed to provide you with a child,” I blurted out, “but now you will not allow me to do the other things that are supposed to be my duties as your wife! I fear I am completely useless to you now…”
“God, oh God, no,” Branford murmured, and his arms came around me as he swept me up into his embrace for the first time in months. “Alexandra…no.”
He sat down in our chair and held me to him, rocking me as I tucked my face against his neck and shoulder. Branford rocked slowly back and forth as he had done so many times in the now distant past. I held him tightly as I reacquainted myself with his scent and his touch. I felt the strong, powerful grip of his arms around me, and once again I felt the security of his embrace.
He held me, and he rocked me like the child, like the child we could not produce together.
“Edgar wants to destroy me from the inside out,” Branford said after some time. “He wants to be sure by the time I take the throne, I will be nothing but a shell for him to control.”
“Edgar cannot win, Branford,” I told him. “As long as we do not let him come between us, he cannot truly win.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I know the one thing he cannot take from me.”
“What is that?”
I gripped his face, and I turned him to look at me.
“My love for you, my Branford,” I said with conviction. “There is nothing that can take that from me and no one who can force me to feel any other way. No matter what you have to do, my love for you remains. You are everything to me, my husband. I only wish to be with you…to care for you as I am supposed to do.”
He brushed his fingers over my cheek, and his chest rose with his breath. I could feel his heart pounding close to mine and felt its tempo increase as he continued to look into my eyes. We stayed that way for some time, just looking at each other as we had so many times in the past. Finally, he slipped his fingers behind my head and entwined them with the hair at the back of my neck. He pulled me to him.
“Nothing would ever change how much I love you,” he whispered against my mouth though he did not quite kiss me. “I do not believe I am worth what you have endured, but I will endeavor to better myself for you.”
“You may start by letting me do my duties,” I told him. My fingers scratched at his bearded face. “Starting with this?”
Branford gave me the half smile I loved so much and nodded his head.
“I have neglected you,” he said.
“And you will make up for it now.” Before he could react, I kissed him quickly to avoid the return of his sadness.
We did not leave our room that night and even set a guard at the door to make sure we were not disturbed. Branford bathed me and brushed my hair dry in front of the fire as he spoke to me of the litter of pups Amarra had in the kennel and how many of the young men in his new army were learning their skills. I bathed and shaved him, taking extra care to wash and cut his hair before I made his tea.
As he carried me, naked, to our bed, I felt as though maybe everything would be all right again.
*****
It was still very early in the morning when I opened my eyes, surprised not to find my husband lying next to me. Since the day Ida and Parnell had brought their daughter to visit us, he had been at my side almost constantly, and I had quickly grown accustomed to it again. It was strange not to have his warmth wrapped around me when I woke.
I rose and dressed without looking for Janet’s assistance. The sun was glimmering through the morning room window, but its light was still dim. I moved into the hallway and checked Camden and Sunniva’s rooms, but the guard told me Branford had already left there. I decided to head down the back hallway to see if he had gone to the great hall since the court would be assembled there later today.
