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“But you didn’t use again?”
“No.” I looked her in the eye. “I swear, Tria—I didn’t touch it. Not at all.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“What?”
“Why didn’t you use this time?” she asked. “It was as bad as before—worse even. You didn’t have a job or a place to live, but you didn’t use. Why?”
“You…you were so mad,” I said. I blinked a couple times as I returned my focus to her face. “You said I had to be clean if I…if I wanted you back…if I wanted to make it right. The only way you might let me protect you was if I stayed clean, so I had to.”
My throat tightened up, and my eyes started to burn again.
“I wanted to,” I told her. “I wanted to so bad. I thought about it all the time. It was right there, and it was so close. If I had money, I might not have been able to stop myself. But I was going to have to get money for drugs, and…well…”
I paused, trying to decide how much full disclosure was really needed, and determined some things were best left unsaid.
“My options were limited,” I finally said. “And I didn’t want to have to tell you that I used again or what I had to do to get the money.”
Tria’s fingers stilled against my face.
“You didn’t, though, right?”
“I didn’t,” I said. “I swear.”
She rubbed the back of my head again and stopped with the questions.
Closing my eyes, I inhaled the scent of Tria’s hair as I held her against my chest. The bed was remarkably more comforting with her lying beside me and her hands covering my skin. She ran a finger over the edge of my bicep.
“I missed these,” she said quietly.
I tightened my grip on her, and she relaxed against me.
It was late—well past midnight—but neither of us had tried to go to sleep. We hadn’t tried to do anything except hold each other and look at each other. I was perfectly fine with that, too. I felt the need to memorize everything about her.
Tria seemed content to just run her hands over my arms and chest, which also suited me just fine. It was comforting and sensual though I didn’t think either one of us was looking to take it to the next level at the moment. Everything was too right just as it was.
She tickled my jaw and scratched at the scruff.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
“Don’t be,” I said automatically. “After everything I did to you, I deserved—”
“I mean about what happened to you,” she said. “I’m sorry about what happened to you and your girlfriend…the baby.”
My body tensed all over, and my eyes squeezed shut. I tried to nod in acceptance, but my whole body just froze up.
“I didn’t say that before,” Tria continued, “and I understand why you didn’t tell me and why you still don’t want to talk about it.”
I could only manage to nod but figured that was better than nothing.
“I don’t expect you to talk to me about it,” she said, “but you need to get counseling.”
“I know,” I responded. “I will. Baynor gave me a name.”
“Did you make an appointment?”
“Not yet.”
