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“I think that is quite obvious, Liam.”
“Well, what the fuck does that mean?”
“It means,” she said, “that you have suffered through a very intense and tragic event. When memories of that event surface now, your adrenaline system overreacts and makes you extremely sensitive to the memories that frighten you.”
“I didn’t graduate high school, you know.” I raised an eyebrow at her.
“You aren’t stupid, Liam,” Erin said. “You are also clearly educated even if you don’t have a degree. Don’t bullshit me.”
I glanced away from her and stared out the window at the little tree.
“PTSD explains why you have extreme reactions to emotions,” she said. “Anything that causes you to remember what happened almost ten years ago sets off a set of responses in your brain—responses you haven’t been able to control. Do you have nightmares?”
I looked back at her.
“Not
really.”
“Did you use to?”
“Before getting doped up, yeah.”
“How did using heroin help?”
“It made me forget,” I said with a shrug. “Made me numb. It was better than thinking about it.”
“And what did you do after you stopped using?”
“I made myself not think about it.” I shrugged. “It took a bit of effort, especially in the beginning, but I just…didn’t. As long as I was punching something, I didn’t have to think about it.”
“So you’ve spent all this time not thinking about it and not dealing with it.”
“If I don’t think, why do I have to deal?” I challenged.
“You tell me,” she responded. “Do you really think how it has worked in the past is going to continue to work? You are here for a reason.”
“Tria.”
“And the child you are going to have together.”
I tensed a little before nodding.
“So…can you cure me?”
“Cure you?” she responded. “No, you’re going to have to do that yourself.”
“I have no idea what that means.”
“It means we’re going to start you on some pretty intensive therapy,” Erin said. “I want you to do a little research on a new drug being used to treat post-traumatic stress. There’s been a lot of research on specific neurotransmitters helping to inhibit some of the symptoms of PTSD. There are a couple that are too similar to the way heroin acts on the brain, and I don’t want to use those, considering your history, but there are other options. I’ll give you some websites to research, and we’ll decide together what drug therapy will work best for you.”
She rifled through her desk for a moment before handing me a couple of brochures.
“That will be the easy part.”
I glanced through the literature.
“Looks pretty fucking complicated to me.”
