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“Is that such a bad thing?” I ask. “Aren’t you supposed to be emotional when it comes to your wife?”
“It has the potential to be bad,” he says. He grabs my chin when I try to look away from him. “Being emotional about you isn’t bad, but it could turn into something dangerous for us both.”
“I can be used against you.”
“I’m confident I can keep you safe from that.”
“Then what has you so worried?”
“I’m worried that I might do something stupid.”
I need a better explanation, and he knows it. I keep staring at him until he clarifies.
“Do you know how bad I want to go after Arden for you? Even though I know I wouldn’t stand a chance, I want to do it just so you can have closure. Rationally, it’s an idiotic thing to do and would likely get us both killed, but I’ve considered taking the risk more than once.”
“I don’t want you to risk yourself,” I tell him. “I never meant for you to do that. When…when I saw Kathy lying there and…and…”
“I know.” Deklan strokes the side of my face.
“I never should have asked you to do that.”
“You were in so much pain, it hurt just to look at you. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to take that pain away. I still do.”
“I don’t want you to put yourself in danger.”
“But I would,” Deklan says quietly. “Don’t you see? I’d do anything for you, and that’s what scares me.”
Chapter 31
“Um…okay, boss. I’ll get it done.” Brian closes his burner phone and looks over at me warily.
“What is it?” I stop hauling kitchen towels out of a box and look over at him.
After two weeks of Deklan’s delving into who knew about my kidnapping, he’s been surly and quick-tempered. I wasn’t very upset when he said he was going away for a couple of days and that Brian would be around if I needed anything. I was ready for a break.
“It’s Sean,” Brian says. “He needs me to go do something, and he wants it done now.”
“So, go do it.”
“I gotta get ahold of Deklan. I’m not supposed to leave you.”
“I can survive a little while on my own. Can’t you have Mac or someone stop by?”
“No one else knows about this place,” Brian says. “That’s how Dek wants it. No one knows, not even Mac.”
Brian tries for a good ten minutes but can’t reach my husband.
“Shit,” he mumbles.
“Just go,” I say. “Really—I’ll be fine. I could use a little alone time anyway.”
“Sorry, Mrs. K. I don’t mean to be in the way.”
“I know you don’t. But I can hear your snoring from the bedroom.”
Brian is tense and uncertain about leaving but finally goes to do Sean’s bidding, and I got back to my unpacking and organizing. I want to get it all done tonight so I don’t have to think about it anymore.
The noise from the television is my only company as I move the plates and bowls from one cabinet to another—again. I can’t seem to find the perfect place for them in the new kitchen. It’s much bigger than the one in the old apartment, and there are too many choices of location. There is even a second bedroom that’s completely empty, and I have no idea what we’ll do with it. Maybe we can turn it into a guest room for Brian. With an actual bed to sleep in, maybe he wouldn’t snore as much.
