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“Selfish?”
“Making this about me. I was so worried that I’d upset you or that you wouldn’t want to see me again, I forgot what you’ve been going through.”
“I don’t think you’re selfish.” Kas chuckles and shakes her head. “You have been a lot more focused on me than my last boyfriend. I’m just wondering…”
“Wondering what?” I raise my eyebrow, speculating on the term boyfriend as much as her pending question.
“Do you like it gentle as well? I mean, at least some of the time?”
My mind suddenly goes completely blank, and I think my jaw might have dropped. I feel a little numb when I realize the implications of her question.
I’m skilled in teaching people to use rope, but I have never even thought about training someone to be a submissive in the kink world, especially when starting from scratch. I’ve touched on a few basics, but I’ve completely neglected explaining the complexities of a non-standard relationship.
“Wow,” I finally say quietly. “I’ve really screwed this up, haven’t I?”
“I’m not sure what you mean.” Kas looks at me, confused. “Is that a no, then?”
I sigh heavily before looking at her to try to figure out what thoughts are behind her expression. She still looks hopeful, as if she’d like some of that gentleness from me—something beyond the bondage and the kneeling.
“I pushed you too much. I was just trying to keep your mind off everything else, but I pushed too hard. Shit, Kas. I’m so sorry.”
“Cree,” she says softly as she looks into my eyes and reaches up to touch the side of my face, “I’m fine. What are you talking about?”
“I’ve just…” I pause and take a deep breath. “I’ve never done this stuff with someone who hasn’t already had a lot of exposure to the lifestyle. I don’t know where your lines are, and quite frankly, I’m afraid I’m going to fuck this up.”
“You aren’t fucking anything up,” Kas says. “I like what we’ve done. I was just wondering if you ever have normal sex.” She laughs. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”
“I know what you mean.” I chuckle, glad to release the tension I’d been feeling. “Normal is a bad word.”
“Yes, it is.” Kas laughs again.
“I just want to make sure I don’t do anything that scares you away,” I tell her. “I’d really like this one night to be a beginning, not an ending.”
&n
bsp; I press my lips to hers before she can say anything else, kissing her firmly, but not aggressively. I stroke the side of her face with one hand as I pull her close to me with the arm wrapped around her shoulders. I pull back and look at her, smiling.
“Kas?”
“Hmm?”
“Would you like to have gentle, vanilla sex with me sometime?”
“Well, um…” Kas laughs and shakes her head slowly as she glances away, cheeks burning. “Yes, I would. That wasn’t my question though.”
“There is a time and a place for everything, so yeah, sure.” I relax against the wall, my remaining fears slowly dissipating. “People who enjoy kink also enjoy vanilla sex every once in a while.”
“I can’t figure out if ‘vanilla’ is supposed to be bad or not.”
“It’s not good or bad,” I say. “It’s only meant to be descriptive. Vanilla is a great flavor. Kink can also be very gentle.”
“How so?”
“Aftercare, for instance.”
“Is that when you were rubbing my arms and legs?”
“Yes, it is. There’s also more to it. If you are interested in playing a little more, I can demonstrate.”
