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“I’m not okay, Max.” When I bring my eyes up to Max, it’s when I realize one thing.
Trust.
I can trust Max. Through all of my ups and downs since I’ve come back, he has shown me that under it all, he has my best interest at heart. I am to Max what Bryant is to Devon.
“If I tell you something, promise not to judge me?” I ask, gazing out the window behind him at the rising sun.
“I tried to kiss you. Pretty sure I won’t judge you.”
If I wasn’t so sad, I’d laugh. “I’ve been keeping a big secret. One that could get me killed.”
Max stills, leaning forward until his elbows are resting on his knees. “Talk to me.”
I run my tongue over my lips and exhale.
I’m stuck. Between what’s right and wrong and left with a lingering emotion of not being wanted. Between Bryant leaving last night and all the sleep I didn’t get, I decided that I wouldn’t be me if I made this easy on Bryant. A better woman would leave with her tail between her legs and defeat marring her face. Not me. If Bryant wants a war, I’ll give him something worth fighting for.
The house is busy, busier than what I’m used to and I don’t particularly like it. I’ve just finished my morning run when I hear someone enter into the kitchen behind me.
“I thought daddy said you had to go?” Devon enters the kitchen and jumps up onto the counter beside me. He’s shirtless and wearing loose gray sweats.
I wrap my lips around my protein shaker and take a long gulp. “Mmm, only, when have I ever listened to what daddy says?” I cock a brow.
Devon chuckles, kicking off the counter and landing on his feet. “Ah, how about when he has you gagged and tied up to his bed?”
I roll my eyes, emptying my shake down the sink and rinsing the shaker. “I’m not leaving, Devon.”
“Oh, I knew you wouldn’t.” His hand comes to my hip, his thumb circling my skin. “But the question is, our little pet, just how much chaos are you willing to shower him with?”
I want to say none. Because I don’t want to do this same song and dance that Bryant and I have been moving to since we met each other. I want to scream and say that there’s so much I have to tell him. But I don’t. Removing my shirt so I’m in nothing but my sports bra and yoga pants, I shrug. “Just enough to make him hurt.” I’m heading out of the kitchen when Devon stops me with his words.
“You know he had sex with Stacey last night…”
The words are like sharp razors, skating over my skin.
I turn back around to face him. “I know. Why?”
Devon’s eyes glare into mine. Like a magnetic force that he’s tapping into, I feel what he wants. What he needs. His eyes weaken as he licks his bottom lip. “Feeling reckless? Need a revenge fuck?”
I could easily sleep with Devon. I could easily make Bryant’s life painful. An eye for an eye. “How about throwing one of your parties tonight?”
His eyes drop down my body before coming back up. “Done.”
Reaching my bedroom, I kick my door closed and slip under the spray of the shower, scrubbing off my sweat. Times like this is when I wish I was a simple girl with a simple brain. I wish I functioned with normality, then maybe I would see things differently, maybe have different circumstances. Bryant assumes that he has been my biggest warfare, but he’s wrong. My soul is the most complicated war I’ve ever had to battle against.
* * *
I spend the rest of the day sorting through all of my old belongings, when I find my wedding dress. Removing it from the flat box, I lift it up against my body in the mirror.
“Did I even eat?” Running my hand over the small sequins, memories flash through my head of our wedding day. So fake. Everything from the vows to the feelings. Everything in my life is there as a consequence of something else. I don’t own any of my memories. Tossing the heavy gown into the closet, I keep going through all of the things that I want to keep and the things I want to toss, when my phone starts dancing on the bedside table. I rush toward it, sliding it unlocked when I see Jess’ name.
“Everything okay?”
Silence. “Someone is chasing us. They know.”
I freeze, squeezing the phone in my hand. “What do you mean? You need to—”
“—I know! Listen, we’re about to board our flight. We will stay somewhere close to Bryant’s.” She sighs.
“Jess…”
“Isa, I promised you. I will keep it. I will call you when we’ve checked into our hotel.”
I breathe in, count to ten, and then exhale. “Okay.”
