“Yes, yes you are,” I breathed, but I could only exhale, for she stole every breath I had.
“Come to me,” she cooed, grasping at my coat weakly. Her lips came close, and I wasn’t sure if she would kiss or bite; at least that part was the same.
My eyes closed when her silken lips brushed against mine. The taste of her on my tongue sent sparks through my nerves like loose gunpowder. There was very little restraining me from grabbing her and taking her there on the floor. But I knew this tenderness was not real, a mirage, a hallucination.
She clung to me, holding me there as she kissed me.
I could not stop myself from touching her, holding her face, and soaking in the attention. Her fingertips left cool trails wherever they touched. I wanted her to plunge them inside me and squeeze my burdened heart already.
“Why must you do this to yourself?” My throat strained as I forced the words out. “Who gave you this affliction?”
Her arms slithered around my shoulders, around my neck. Thin fingers traced along the back of my shoulder. She threw me a quizzical look, full of bemusement and some sense of longing in her glassy eyes. “Don’t you remember?” Her lips skimmed my jawline, then fell to my neck. Her arms wrapped tighter around my shoulders. “It was you, my long-lost fixation.”
It was almost heartfelt, being regarded with any intimacy from her. But it was short-lived as I watched the blue of her irises roll back into her head, her skin paling.
“Alina?” I grabbed her face.
The muscles in her jaw tensed, and her head threw back. Her entire body flexed back, a bit of blood dripping from her lips as she salivated.
As if the first time I witnessed this wasn’t terrifying enough, this time was much worse.
“No! No, please.” My voice caught as I held her to me. I supported her head as best I could as I lowered her to the floor. I put her on her side like I remembered Luka did once. I let go, just for a shake, to tear off my coat, tucking it quickly under her head as she shook, every muscle under the skin visible as her body seized.
“It’s okay; it’s fine, you’re fine,” I chanted, mostly for myself as I laid next to her, pulling her shaking body to my chest. I was afraid to move, afraid of her injuring herself if I let her go. My trembling hand smoothed down her wet hair, unsure how to soothe her.
Is this my fault?
Is this how it felt to be powerless? No option but to do nothing and wish for the best, wonder when it would end? I forgot to counthow long she shook for. It could have been thirty seconds, or two minutes, an eternity. My body would be just as tense as hers, my hand never left her neck, monitoring the pulse.
Even when she stopped, I couldn’t bring myself to move either of us, frozen in time and terror, a delicate moment that was all but stolen.
Against her sober wishes, I went to her Nest.
I made her sit in the saddle in front of me. Even as I held her in my arms, it was unfamiliar. Not once had she ever been so limp, held with such ease.
As I approached the house on the hill, there were already figures hovering impatiently on the front porch, all of whom stopped to watch my steady approach.
Phoebe was the first to step into the moonlight, then a few other women I was unfamiliar with. I raised my hand, though I am sure they all would have their reservations.
As I dismounted, I gathered Alina into my arms. Two women took the horse away as Phoebe approached with purpose. When she reached me, she struck my face with the back of her hand, one of her rings cutting my cheek with an inevitable sting.
I winced and turned to look at her once more. Her chest rose and fell quickly, like she was either going to scream at me or weep.
“Hate me all you like, but I did not touch her.” I shifted Alina in my arms so her head could rest comfortably on my shoulder.
“Bring her inside, first room on the second floor.” Phoebe glanced over her shoulder at the girls as she chewed at the skin around her nails. “Quickly, please.”
I did as I was told, attempting to be respectful of theirdomain.
As I walked up the stairs, other girls stole glances out of the corner of their eyes and whispered amongst themselves as they pretended they weren’t frightened and morbidly curious.
The room Phoebe led me to was dull and cold. I did not expect luxury, though it seemed Alina was focused on living as humbly as she could. It really would not hurt her to use some color in her decor.
I set her down in the bed, peeling back the sheets before tucking her underneath. Alina did not look like she was ever disturbed, like she had been in a deep sleep this whole time. I knelt next to the bed, taking the pins out of her hair to let it down so she would not hurt herself in her slumber.
“Was she in the lab?” Phoebe spoke from the doorframe, chewing at her nails.
I nodded. “She was on the floor, just a needle and a bottle beside her.” I refused to take my eyes off my dear nightmare of a woman. “Do you know what she’s been taking?”
