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“That’s an easy one,” Dax says. “Let’s make her the opener on our next tour.”
“I’m not sure Reed would say yes to that,” I say. “And even if he would, the timing of our tour is almost certainly going to be different from hers, considering the release date of her album versus ours. Plus, would that really be the best fit for Alessandra’s career? I don’t want to fuck her over, just because I want my girlfriend with me at all times.”
“It’d hardly be fucking her over, Fish,” Colin says.
Keane agrees. “Sorry if this is a stupid question, but wouldn’t it be an amazing thing for any new artist to open for a powerhouse like 22 Goats?”
“I shouldn’t have said it’d ‘fuck her over,’” I concede. “That was an overstatement. But I want the best for Ally. And my gut tells me she’d do better opening with someone like Laila or Aloha. Or even Fugitive Summer. They’ve got that weird, quirky vibe, just like Ally. And their venues are smaller than ours, which would fit her music best. Not to mention, she gets stage fright, guys. I don’t know if an arena tour is the best fit for her at this point. Not yet.”
“What do you mean she’s got a quirky vibe?” Dax says. “Not trying to be a dick, but when I heard her single at the music video shoot, there was nothing ‘quirky’ about it. It sounded like a straight down the middle pop song to me. A surefire hit. Don’t get me wrong. But not ‘quirky.’”
I sigh. “The song is being re-mixed, as we speak. Zeke’s gonna strip it down. Add some flavor and distortions.”
“Glad to hear it,” Dax says. “I didn’t want to say anything, because I thought Alessandra was happy with it, but I thought Zeke overproduced the hell out of that song. Alessandra isn’t fucking Britney Spears.”
I sigh loudly. “I know. I didn’t speak up, either, for the same reason. And Alessandra was too green to realize she needs to be the captain of the ship, not a fucking oarsman.”
“Lesson learned,” Dax says. “Good thing she learned it on a single, rather than an entire album.”
Guilt ripples through me as I think about Alessandra’s album again. She’ll be able to communicate her artistic vision to Zeke going forward, right? Now that she’s learned her lesson on the single? That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway. But the more I think about it, the more I know I’m the one who should produce that album. I’m the one who understands her, without needing to be told. I look at Keane. “Hey, Peenie, how do you and Maddy make it work, when you’ve both got careers that take you all over?”
Keane shrugs. “It’s a give and take. Luckily, my show shoots here in LA on a predictable schedule, so we work around that. And when I’m not shooting, I go on location with Maddy, wherever her next job takes her. Once the baby comes, I’m sure we’ll both have to forego some cool jobs for a while. But that’s okay. Whatever we have to do, we’ll make it work. The important thing is we both want the other to be happy, even more than we want happiness for ourselves. When you’ve got a relationship like that, it’s easy to make decisions as things come up.”
That’s it.
I sit up on the floor, feeling like I’ve been hit by a lightning bolt.
I want Alessandra’s happiness more than I want my own.
That’s the truth.
That’s why I’m miserable.
Because I’ve picked my own shit above hers!
Suddenly, I can’t deny it: Alessandra means everything to me now. Even more than my own band. The same way Violet and Jackson rightly mean everything to Dax. If Dax were forced to choose, for some hideous reason, between his wife and kid and his band, there’s no doubt he’d choose Violet and Jackson. And we’d all understand.
“I just realized something,” I blurt, my heart thumping in my ears. “I want to produce Alessandra’s album. Which means we’re going to need to carve out some time in our schedule for me to do that.”
“What about Zeke?” Dax says.
“I’m going to tell Reed to cut him loose.”
“Is the album already written?” Colin asks.
“No. I’d have to help her write it, too. So, that would take a bit of time, as well.”
Colin looks incredulously at Dax, like he can’t believe his ears. And Dax purses his lips, but says nothing. Colin returns to me. “I don’t think either of us has an issue with you co-writing and producing her album, man. Godspeed. I think you’d do an amazing job for her. It’s just the timing. We’ve already got all the dominoes lined up. You know the drill. There’s no time in the middle of the schedule for you to take a couple months off—probably more, if we’re being realistic—to create an entire debut album with your girlfriend.”
