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Though maybe not Paloma. As a fellow Seeker, her expectations of me and my comings and goings differ from that of the average grandmother’s.
But Jennika? She’ll be in a frenzy for sure. My absence will hit all of her triggers. She’ll put two and two together and come up with three: Me + Dace = an unplanned pregnancy. Never stopping to think that I’ve got my own story to live—one that reads nothing like hers. Besides, Dace and I were careful, it’s not a baby we were making.
Though the scene I’m confronted with when I push through the door is not the one I expected.
Jennika is curled up on the couch, staring into the fire with a blanket wrapped snugly around her, while Paloma sits in an adjacent chair, sipping from a mug of fragrant herbal tea. The two of them sitting quietly, as though they weren’t even thinking, much less worried, about me.
I mumble a quiet greeting. Shooting a tentative, questioning look at Paloma, who merely smiles and nods in return.
“Did you have a good night?” Jennika asks, her eyes dark and sooty from the makeup she must’ve slept in. Breaking her own cardinal rule of: Thou shalt go to bed fresh of face. Leading me to believe she spent the night here.
I fill the space beside her and fold my knees underneath me. “The party was good.”
“And the after-party?”
We exchange a look. That’s not a question I intend to answer.
“At least tell me you were careful?” she prods.
I take a deep breath, unable to believe I’m having this conversation in front of my grandmother. “Of course.” I bite down on my lip, fingering the shiny gold key at my chest as I stare hard at her. She looks different. Vulnerable and soft in an almost malleable way. Like a long occupied space has suddenly vacated inside her. My voice softening, I add, “For the record, I really was listening during all of those awkward sex talks you forced on me.”
A ghost of a smile crosses her face as she wraps an arm around me and pulls me tightly to her. Burying her nose in my hair and inhaling deeply, she says, “Guess this means you’re back together?”
She pulls away and looks at me, and I nod in reply.
“You’re all grown up now.” She trails the pad of her thumb down my cheek. “I’ve got nothing left to teach you.”
“That’s not true,” I say, surprised to realize I mean it.
But she just shakes her head. “As it turns out, it appears I’m now learning from you.”
I squint, unsure of her meaning.
“I went through the box.”
I look to Paloma, seeing her smiling faintly as she nods toward my mom.
“And then Paloma and I had a long talk.”
I clamp my lips shut, not sure what that means.
How much of a talk?
About Django?
About me?
About me choosing to accept the biological inheritance he fought to deny?
Does this mean she knows I’m a Seeker?
She pushes a lock of hair from her face and levels her gaze on mine. “I think I’m beginning to realize just how much I don’t know about the world. Not to mention how much I’ve denied what I couldn’t bear to face. And while I won’t claim to like it—while I don’t like it one single bit—while I can barely wrap my head around the kind of future you face—I’m also left with no choice but to accept it. If I could do something, anything, to change it, I would. If I could volunteer on your behalf and take your place, I’d do that too. But Paloma tells me I can’t. Says I’ve done all that I could the last sixteen years, and now I need to leave you in the care of a force far greater than me.” She swallows hard, plants a kiss on the side of my head. Her voice a mere whisper, she says, “You know, I think Django would be proud of you—to know that you’re trying to complete the very thing he tried hard to flee … I think he’d be amazed by your courage and strength. I know I am.”
“I met him,” I say, seeing the way her gaze widens at the words. “During my vision quest. He came to me. Helped me. I couldn’t have survived it without him. He was so handsome too. I can see why you fell for him as hard as you did.”
Jennika’s gaze travels to a distant place—smiling faintly at his memory.
“He’s everywhere, you know. Paloma taught me that. You can talk to him wherever and whenever you want. But, honestly, I think he’d prefer you move on.”
