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I covered my lower stomach with my hands, and two fat tears fell over my lashes. I hadn’t even realized there was a baby.
How could I not know?
Wasn’t a woman inherently supposed to know these things about herself when she had a new life growing inside her? Only I hadn’t. Between school and working with my other tutoring clients, I had been so damn busy. Something I’d been thankful for because it had helped take my mind off the fact that Theo had dropped me as soon as he’d gotten what he wanted.
Theo.
Theo’s baby.
Like its father, my precious little nugget obviously hadn’t wanted me any more than Theo did. But I would have wanted him or her. I would have loved that baby so much, and it would have loved me too.
Another sob shook my shoulders, making my body throb in agony from the way my stomach tensed and clenched over and over again.
What would that have felt like, being loved by someone? I’d never experienced that from anyone; not a single person in my life had ever loved me. I’d been tossed aside practically from infancy, discarded like yesterday’s trash and left to fend for myself. I mattered to zero people, and I’d thought I was okay with that.
But now, knowing that there had been the possibility of someone caring for me, if only just a little, made it impossible to breathe for the agony of the loss I was feeling. It hurt worse than the pain in my abdomen. It hurt worse than any pain I’d ever felt in my entire life.
It was enough to make me hate the world as a whole. Hate Theo. He had given me something miraculous. Only to tear it from my hands and my heart before I could even touch our precious little baby. Was he satisfied now? He’d broken me completely. Me, his enemy’s daughter, was now a defenseless whimpering mass of pain and tears.
No doubt he was laughing behind that closed door, delighting in the fact that he didn’t have to be stuck with me as his child’s mother.
I was so lost in the bitterness and sorrow, crying so hard and loud, I didn’t even hear the door opening. I didn’t realize I wasn’t alone until a soft hand touched my cheek. Gasping in fright, I looked up to find Raven sitting on the edge of my bed, a tissue in her hand as she mopped up my tears.
“I’m not here to hush you or tell you everything is going to be okay,” she told me in a quiet voice. “I only came in here to let you know you aren’t alone. So, go ahead and cry. Yell and scream. Throw things, if that’s what helps. No one is going to judge or condemn you for feeling like the world is against you. It’s not, but it probably feels like that right now. You’re in my home now, Tavia. You’re safe, and I promise you I will protect you until my last breath if that is what it takes.”
I frowned up at her through my tears. “Why? You don’t know me.”
“You remind me of my daughter. That same fire, that same brokenness that lives inside her, I see it in your eyes. And if you believe nothing else, believe that I would give up my life for her. Just as I would for you.” She wiped away a few more of my tears. “It’s okay to be pissed. It’s even okay to hate everyone. To think no one cares… But I do. I’ll be right here in your corner, because I can tell that’s what you need more than anything else right now. You came here for a reason, but you’re mine now.”
“But…you just met me,” I reminded her, bewildered.
“The first time I met Lexa, my daughter, I took one look at her and knew she was mine. Didn’t matter that I didn’t give birth to her. Didn’t matter that I was hurt and pissed at her dad at the time. She was this tiny little thing who looked up at me like she wanted me to see her, but wasn’t sure at the same time. You, I can tell you don’t want anyone to see you. That must have worked well for you over the years, kept you under the radar. But I can also tell you need someone to see you, sweetheart. I’ve accepted you as mine, and you should too.” Giving me a smile, she wiped away some more of my tears. “So, welcome to the family. You now have a sister and a brother. I come along with some growly uncles and some pretty amazing aunts, and a shitload of cousins.”
Bemusedly, a tiny laugh escaped me. “You’re kind of crazy, aren’t you?”
/> “No one has ever called me crazy before. I tend to intimidate people too much for them to say that to my face.” She picked up the tray from the side table and placed it back across my lap. “You’re all snotty right now, but you still need to eat some of this. Come on, blow your nose, and then take a few bites. Getting your strength back is priority number one for now.”
I surprised myself by doing as she instructed. I blew my nose, grimacing in pain because even that made me hurt. Abdominal pain had to be the worst physical pain imaginable. Simply breathing gave me issues. I didn’t know how I was going to handle it when I eventually sneezed or coughed.
Once I was cleaned up, she lifted the bowl and fed me several bites. It looked disgusting, yet even with it having cooled off, it was pretty good. But six spoonsful later and I couldn’t handle any more.
A pleased smile teased at her lips as she stood. “Good job. I honestly didn’t think you would get that much down. Sit tight. I’ll be back in a few to help you to the bathroom.”
She was gone for less than five minutes before she was back, but she didn’t come alone. A woman with pretty blue eyes and hair just as short as Raven’s, only brown, followed her into my room.
“I’m not exactly as strong as I once was,” Raven said with a twist of her lips. “So, Flick is going to help me assist you to the bathroom.”
Flick looked down at me with so much tenderness in her eyes, I felt the sting of tears in my sinuses return. “Hi, Tavia. You can call me Flick or Felicity. I’m cool with either.”
“I… Okay.” I felt both shy and defensive, and for some reason, I didn’t want to feel either around these two women. They had been kind to me, taking care of me, and Raven had even said I was hers—whatever that meant. I didn’t want them to see me as a bitch or as some meek little thing they had to protect from the big bad world.
“How do you want to do this, Rave?” Flick asked the other woman. “I don’t want to cause her more pain than we have to.”
Raven picked up a pillow and told me to hold it against my stomach. “You hold it there, and we’re going to pull you to the edge of the bed. Then you can shift your legs over the side, and we will help you stand. Got it?”
I nodded and clenched the pillow to my stomach, my muscles already tensing to brace for the pain. It was over in a handful of seconds, with minimal discomfort, but if I was relieved that it hadn’t been so bad, I had given myself false hope for the rest of the trip to the bathroom.
By the time I got back to the bed, I was exhausted and praying I didn’t have to use the toilet again for a good long while. I’d been able to clean up a little, though. Wash and brush my teeth, plus change my clothes. I was in a pair of pajamas that Raven said belonged to her daughter. They fit me pretty well, even if they were a bit long on me, but they were soft and comfortable.
