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A little of the pressure weighing on my shoulders eased. Thanking the doctor, I shook her hand, and she promised someone would come to get me soon. As she walked away, Lyric said he was going to go get me a change of clothes and followed her out.
Feeling like I was walking through a fog, I returned to my seat by the window and pulled out my phone. I’d had it on silent so it wouldn’t annoy me, but I knew Mila would have been texting me as well as Lyric. I’d seen him sending a message every now and then while we waited, but he’d mostly just been there for me. Even if we hadn’t spoken much, just having my brother-in-law there had kept me from losing my mind and trashing the entire room, scaring everyone and no doubt getting myself arrested.
Me: Hey. She’s out of surgery. Just waiting for someone to come get me once she’s in a room.
Mila: That’s a relief. I was so worried. I called the school and pretended to be Aunt Kelli. Told them she was out sick today.
Me: Thanks, Mil.
Mila: I wish I were there. I’m so sorry. My heart hurts for both of you.
I didn’t know how to respond to that. My heart hurt too. Now that I knew River was going to be all right, the reality of what we’d lost was starting to hit me. When she’d told me she was pregnant, I’d been so damn happy. It was too soon for us to start a family of our own, but that hadn’t mattered to me. I loved that little munchkin so much without even having met him or her.
Now I never would.
I scrubbed my hands over my face as exhaustion and a sadness that felt like it went bone-deep seemed to press me into the chair hard. I loved our baby, but not nearly as much as I loved River. Her life had been in danger, and just the thought of losing her had robbed me of any other course of action. There would be more babies, but there was only one River.
Would she hate me now?
Fuck, I hoped not.
When the doctor said River had to have surgery, she’d stressed that even though the baby still had a heartbeat, it wouldn’t be viable for long. At the time, I hadn’t even cared. All I could think was that River’s life was in danger and a decision had to be made right then, right there.
But there wasn’t a decision to make.
Nothing came before River.
Ever.
Lyric returned with a bag of clothes for me, as well as for River, along with two large coffees and a sack of fast food. By the time I’d changed and eaten, a nurse came to get me.
River looked so tiny lying
in the hospital bed with a blanket tucked up around her chest. Her face was pale, making the dark shadows under her eyes more prominent. There were wires sticking from everywhere, letting the monitor attached to the wall read her oxygen levels, heart rate, and blood pressure. Her IV line was attached to a few different bags that hung from a pole, supplying her with fluids, antibiotics, and blood.
The nurse gave me an update on River’s condition and said she would be out of it for a while with the medication they were given her for pain management and the nausea she’d experienced upon waking from the anesthesia. I nodded like I understood everything the woman told me, but honestly, I didn’t take much of it in. It was hard to concentrate on words when the girl I loved more than life was lying there so helplessly.
As the door closed behind the nurse, I dropped into the chair beside the bed and picked up River’s hand. Her skin felt chilled, and I bent to breathe a little heat onto her fingers. As I did, I rubbed her index finger with my thumb, only then realizing the ring she always wore there was missing.
She’d only been fifteen when I’d put that ring on her hand, but I’d already known I was going to spend the rest of my life with her.
There weren’t many places in Creswell Springs for people to get jewelry, so I’d ordered a ring off the internet. The damn thing had been too big to put on her ring finger, but River had still loved it and put it on her index finger instead, promising me she would never take it off.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I looked around and spotted it in a clear bag on the bedside table. Still holding her hand in one of mine, I reached for the bag with my other and pulled out the ring. Bending again, I kissed her finger as I slid it back into place, skimming my thumb over the simple platinum heart with the teeny little diamond in the center.
I’d used all the money I’d had saved up to buy that ring, which admittedly hadn’t been much since I’d only been sixteen at the time. But the way River had reacted to the sight of the ring had been as if I’d given her one of the crown jewels. Her green eyes had lit up, and the smile that spread over her beautiful face had brought a flame alive deep inside me.
We made love for the first time that day and vowed to each other we would always be together and have each other’s backs. No matter what.
A soft moan left her, pulling my gaze to her face. Slowly, her lashes lifted, and she blinked a few times before focusing on me. “Mav?” she rasped out.
“Hey, sweetheart,” I murmured. “How are you feeling?”
As I spoke, I saw that reality was returning to her, and she was remembering the events of the morning. Tears filled her eyes, and she tried to tug her hand free from mine. “You…you let them…” Her voice broke off on a sob, and she turned her head away from me.
Lead filled my heart. “Baby, the doctor said there was no other choice.”
“I heard the heartbeat.”
