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“I’ve been venting for four months now,” I told him. “I’ve put it into music and screaming at the mountains while I was away. Amara even let me rage out a few times. If it’s not all out of my system by now, I don’t think it ever will be.”
“Did you ever stop to wonder why?” he asked quietly.
“Many, many times. But I already know the answer.” I blew out a pained exhale. “I still love him. I probably always will.”
“And you two can’t work it out?”
I closed my eyes, trapping the stupid tears that suddenly stung my eyes. “Have you ever been with someone who put you first?” I choked out.
“Girlfriend-wise or we talking family?”
“Either. Both.”
“My family has always put each other first, no matter what. We’ve all martyred ourselves for each other plenty of times, actually. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for Shannon and my other sisters. But I’ve never been in a relationship long enough for it to matter if I put her first or she reciprocated.”
I swallowed hard and forced my eyes to open. “I have people who love me enough to put me first. I would never ask them to give up something important to themselves for me. Never. Yet they would do it without even blinking. I never doubted they cared about me. Not once. But there have been two people in my life who have never put me first. I’m just an afterthought to them. And for some fucking reason, they are the two I need the most.”
“Scott and Jace?”
I nodded, unable to speak for the emotion choking me.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he murmured. His fingers were soft when he rubbed his thumb over my cheek. “I wish I could change that for you.”
For a second—only for a second—I leaned into his touch, believing he would if he could. But just as quickly, I moved back and opened the door. “Thanks for the ride…and listening,” I said when I was standing. Leaning down to look at him, I offered him a small smile. “Be safe on your drive home.”
“Goodnight, Kin.”
“Night.” Shutting the door, I waved and stepped back.
I turned and went into the apartment building, and this time, I didn’t look back.
Chapter 13
Kin
I woke up the next morning determined to drop all the negativity in my life and start moving forward.
I climbed out of bed, threw on a pair of running shorts, sports bra, and a tank top, and went for a long run. I had a million things to get done later in preparation for Lucy’s baby shower the following day, but first, I needed to get my ass in gear and start keeping in shape again. I’d gotten lax while secluded in the mountains of Tennessee. Shane would have given me so much shit if he knew I hadn’t been running regularly.
After a five-mile run that kicked my ass, I went back to the apartment and took a long shower.
As I walked into the kitchen in search of something to eat, it was to find not one but two shirtless men. I paused, taking in both Cash and Nate as they moved around the kitchen making breakfast and coffee, joking around with each other.
“Oh hey, Kin,” Nate greeted. “You want coffee?”
It took me a few seconds to pull my eyes away from the sight of his chiseled chest and abs before I noticed he was lifting the coffeepot in my direction. Realizing I was staring—and drooling—I quickly averted my eyes. “Yeah, coffee would be good, thanks.”
Grinning, he poured me a cup and handed it over. I carried it to the counter and pulled creamer out of the fridge before looking for the sugar.
“You hungry?” Cash asked, turning bacon in a skillet. “I can make you eggs while I’m at it.”
“No thanks,” I told him, trying not to look at his chest as I had Nate’s. Cash’s physique was just as amazing as the bartender’s, but I’d known Cash longer than anyone else in this apartment. He’d been Caleb’s best friend long before I even grew boobs. I couldn’t drool over him and not feel dirty about it. “I’m just going to eat a bagel.”
Replacing the creamer, I snatched the cream cheese spread and popped a bagel into the toaster. While I waited for it, I kept my eyes on my cup of coffee.
“Heard about what happened with Jace last night,” Cash said as he plated the bacon and started scrambling eggs. “Want me to rearrange his face?”
My thumb brushed over the sore skin on my wrist, but I shook my head. “Don’t mess with your bandbrother, Cash. I don’t want to cause issues. I just want to forget about it.”
