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“You’re awfully quiet,” she murmured.
“Got a lot on my mind, baby. Everything is spinning around in there.”
“It’s going to be okay,” she told me, and I wanted to believe her so fucking badly, I ached.
Unable to answer, I nodded, taking another bite. We fell back into a comfortable silence for a few more minutes. Just standing there, pigging out on ice cream with her, put me at ease. She was my calm, my safe place. The one person I knew wouldn’t judge me, who would have my back when I needed her the most. Kin was my other half, and I felt like a ghost floating aimlessly through life without her.
“I love you.”
I blinked down at her, unsure if she’d actually said those words or if I’d imagined them. “I love you too,” I said, not caring if she’d said them or if my mind was just playing tricks on me.
“I’m not saying that just to hear you say the words back,” she said, and I was able to breathe a little easier because she really had said those three powerful words. “Or because I know you’re going through a lot right now and I feel sorry for you. I am sorry about Alicia, but that isn’t why I said it.”
She was rambling, and it was so adorable, it brought a smile to my lips. “Good to know.”
“I’ve done a lot of thinking the last few weeks. About me, about you. Mostly about us.” She took another bite, letting the frozen sweetness melt on her tongue before swallowing. “No matter how hard I want to fight it, I’m never going to stop loving you. Being away from you, it only makes me hurt more. I hate that I love you that much, Jace.”
My stomach bottomed out, and I didn’t think I could handle another bite of ice cream. “Kin—”
“If you could go back in time and tell me about Eden the first time you saw her, would you?”
“Yes,” I told her honestly, not hesitating. “If I could reverse time, there are a lot of things I would change. I didn’t realize how shitty I treated you until I lost you. Looking back, I can see how much you really do love me because you put up with my crap for so long. I regret not showing you that you are the most important person in my life. You are, though, Kin. You’re everything. I love you so fucking much, and I took you for granted. I swear to you on my life, on my soul, I’ll never do that again, baby.”
She dropped her spoon into the half-empty ice cream container. “But reversing time is impossible,” she murmured. “We can’t go back, no matter how much we want to.”
“No,” I agreed, swallowing with difficulty. “But if you give me a chance, we can start over.”
Kin sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, and I waited for her to speak, holding my breath. Her lids lowered, and she exhaled slowly before looking up at me. “I’m not going anywhere, Jace. But right now, I think we should keep our relationship to just being friends. You’re hurting, and your head isn’t on straight. That isn’t the way to start over.”
I dropped the ice cream into the sink, turning away from her so she couldn’t see my face. “Yeah, okay.”
“Jace.” Her soft hands touched my bare back and my entire body began to heat, but I couldn’t turn around. I couldn’t let her see the tears that were already blinding me.
“It’s okay. I get it,” I lied, surprised my voice didn’t betray
me. I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand why, if she loved me, we couldn’t simply be together again. I needed her, damn it. I needed something I knew I could hold on to because everything else was fucked up in my life.
“No, you don’t,” she said with a sigh. She wrapped her arms around my waist, her face pressing into my back. “I’m not going anywhere,” she repeated. “But you need time to sort through all the things going on in your life right now. I want everything to be perfect, and it’s not right now.”
“There will always be something going on in our lives, baby. Life isn’t perfect for more than ten minutes at a time because everything is constantly changing.” I covered her hands on my stomach, rubbing my thumb over the backs of her knuckles. “But if I have you, none of that fucking matters. I can face all of that shit. I can find a way to handle anything that happens as long as I have you.”
She squeezed me, and I felt her lips touch my shoulder. My body instantly reacted, my cock hardening and my heart pounding. “You do have me,” she whispered.
“Do I?” I shook my head. “If we’re not together, then I don’t have all of you.”
“That’s not fair.”
I turned around to face her, lifting her hands to press against my heart, not giving a damn that my tears were pouring down my cheeks. “I’m a selfish son of a bitch, Kin. I always have been. But where you’re concerned, I can’t seem to help it. I want all of you. Every inch of your heart, every drop of love you can give me. I want it all.”
“You have it all,” she breathed, her pulse fluttering at the base of her throat.
“Then take me back. Put me out of my misery and be mine again.” I released her hands, only to grab her ass and lift her off her feet. Thank fuck, she was wearing panties, but hell, she was already soaked.
Without hesitation, she wrapped her legs around my hips, her arms going around my neck. Her breath hitched when my hardness flexed against her core, her lids lowering but not before I saw the flash of need shining out of her blue eyes.
“J-Jace,” she moaned when I pressed her harder against me, squirming against my cock.
I turned us so she was sitting on the edge of the counter. Lowering my head, I kissed the corner of her mouth. When she tried to turn her head so I would kiss her fully, I pulled back, denying us both. With my hands now free of her perfect ass, I tugged her shirt up, revealing her bare tits. I cupped each one, squeezing and massaging, teasing around the nipples without actually touching them and making her squirm even more.
