“Let’s get in the car and you can tell me on the way.”
“Okay.” Jesse waited for her to climb in the passenger seat before he closed the door and went around to the driver’s seat.
“Target sound good? If we go to our carriers, we’ll be in there for hours for no reason.”
“Target sounds great. They put up a SuperTarget on the way out to Ontario, right?”
“Yeah. It’s pretty super.” He glanced over and caught Lily-Grace’s smile.
“Yeah, Target’s good. I was thinking of getting a new number, but nah.”
Jesse looked at the road before he glanced at her again. Something was off about her tone. “Trying to avoid someone?”
“No, I’m just talking. So keep going. You think you’re not very good at sex.”
“I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about this. It’s—I wanted to be honest, but talking to you about my sexual experiences is very inappropriate. We can talk about something else.”
“I never thought I’d say this, but you’re very sweet. Thank you for saying that. I’m fine talking about this if you are, and if we get into not-cool territory, I’ll tell you.”
“Okay. Well, I’ve only been with two women, successfully.”
“What do you meansuccessfully?”
“Sex was actually had. Those two times were a good ten years apart. I tried three different times along the way, but I—had issues. I couldn’t maintain an erection.”
“Hmm, do you know why?”
“I think deep down I didn’t want to be having sex with those people, so my body just shut things down.”
“Okay, so we have a kinda40-Year-Old Virginscenario here, mixed with the chicken-or-the-egg situation.”
“What?” Jesse chuckled. He glanced over and Lily-Grace was staring at him. “What?”
“I’ve never seen you laugh. Like ever, I just realized.”
“I was a very serious kid.”
“I know you were. And now you’re a serious adult. Anyway, you feel like you waited too long to get in that teens-to-early-twenties practice, where a lot of people remain bad at sex. Please believe me when I say that, and now it feels like too big of a deal.”
“Exactly.”
“So you want to have sex?”
It took Jesse a moment to answer. He’d never been asked that, or asked himself that, so plainly before. There were always so many other factors, like not having a girlfriend or even being socially involved with women who he was attracted to and didn’t treat him like a piece of meat or a challenge. Jesse wanted to have sex, yes. He also wanted to be in love. He wanted to have sex with someone who understood him and someone he understood.
“I do, I just don’t see it happening.”
“Oh no. That won’t work. I’m not saying we’re going to go on a quest to get you laid, ‘cause that’s just weird. But I don’t think you should just give up on yourself like that. I think if you meet someone you like, just be honest with them, like you’re being honest with me, and if they aren’t a complete asshole they’ll understand and want to experience these things with you—What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on. Out with it. We’ve opened the circle of trust here.”
“You’re right. So you can tell me how you’ve never learned to swim.”
“Oh.” Lily-Grace sucked her teeth. “I just never learned, and then I developed a nice aversion to water. We had to pass a swim test too, in high school, but I was sick that day and no one followed up. And here we are. I just never learned, and then I almost died last night.” She was trying to keep her tone light, but her voice wobbled a little. Jesse thought he was the only one in the truck who was carrying around some baggage, but something was going on with Lily-Grace. Not something from her past, something in her present. He wanted to know what was happening, he wanted to know how he could help, but he didn’t want to push her.
“My emergency lifeguard skills aren’t too shabby, but I’m also a good swimmer. It’s one of my favorite things to do.”
