“Wheel’s over!” Corie said.
“I’ll explain later. Come on. I don’t want to miss a minute of this train wreck.” They grabbed their food and went back over to the empty end of the sectional.
As the opening voice over waxed dramatic about what to expect from Clarissal’s journey to love, Vega looked over at Jesse and subtly nodded toward his empty recliner. Her mouth curved down in an impressed smirk he hoped Lily-Grace hadn’t noticed.
The two hours that followed were fucking painful. Clarissal had to be Jesse’s least favorite bachelorette in years, which was a shame considering they gave her age appropriate men who all appeared to have real jobs. Everyone had their opinions about Clarissal and her suitors, and shouted them at the TV at will. Everyone ate their fill, and only one cupcake made it to the nine o’clock hour.
Fetu seemed to be enjoying himself. The performance he and Lilah were putting on was convincing enough. They seemed happy on their end of the couch, cuddled up together, periodically whispering in each other’s ear. It made Jesse regret not telling Lily-Grace how he felt before the show started. They could have missed the opening B roll of Clarissal skipping around her hometown of Ann Arbor if it meant they could talk and if it meant Jesse wouldn’t be sitting on the end of the couch, pressed against the armrest, thinking about what it would be like to put his arm around Lily-Grace.
Embarrassing.That was the word that bounced around in his head. He was a grown fucking man and he couldn’t just lean over and ask Lily-Grace if it was okay. Embarrassing as hell that he was almost forty and he’d never put his arm around a woman before in a situation that didn’t involve a group photo. How had it gotten this bad? How had he gone this far in his life, with so many walls up, and some junior high school achievement had passed him by? He tried not to think about what she’d said about her relationship with her ex. What their relationship had been like before he’d dropped the ball and left her out in the cold. The sexual intensity of it, what she must be used to when it came to the bedroom. And he was thinking of how he could hold her hand.
Comparing himself to some dude he’d never met and who Lily-Grace had dumped was a real smart idea. He rolled his eyes at himself and let out a deep sigh, maybe a little too loud. Everyone turned and looked at him.
“Damn, man. She’ll send him home soon,” Corie joked.
“Not soon enough,” Jesse said, playing along, like he actually cared that Clarissal was talking to a man who had been going on about his outfit for a good five minutes while Clarissal nodded and smiled. He’d earned the first night elimination that was coming his way, but Jesse didn’t actually care. He was too busy overthinking his own problems. He practically flinched when Lily-Grace nudged his leg with hers.
“You okay?” she whispered.
“Yeah. I forgot how long this show is.”
“I don’t know if I’m gonna make it,” she said, before she gently poked his side. “I might need to rest right here.”
“Oh. Here.” Jesse shifted his weight on the couch, then moved his arm so Lily-Grace could fit against his side. She wiggled around until she was tight against his chest, her head leaning back against his shoulder. Jesse moved his head to the side a bit so her hair wouldn’t tickle his chin, and then focused on controlling his thudding heart. Heat flashed over his face and met the warmth blooming from his chest. He could do this. He could do this.
He made it to the next commercial break. An ad for the Vermont tourism board started up and Jesse leaned down and tried to whisper in her ear.
“Can we go talk for a sec?”
“Yeah,” she said, her voice light. “Let’s go.”
Jesse stood up and led the way out the front door. Poppy tried to follow them, but he shooed her back inside after Lily-Grace stepped out. He didn’t need an audience for this. Not even a canine one. Lily-Grace turned to face him, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Oh, my bad. Are you cold?”
“No, it feels nice. I’m just in swaddle mode. What’s going on?”
“I thought I could wait until my favorite reality show was over, but I had to say this now. I like you.”
“I know. You mentioned that this afternoon. I like hearing it.”
“No. I think I need to explain. When I said before that I didn’t have much sexual experience, I have even less relationship experience.”
“Okay.”
Her tone was light again, like she wasn’t shocked, but she was trying to be nice about it. He did appreciate the effort, but he was still confused. “That doesn’t bother you?”
“No. You’ve been working. Feeling as if you’re responsible for what seems like at least ten people at a time, plus the ranch. I understand focusing on your career. Trust me. Why do you think I’m not married?”
“Some people don’t want to get married,” Jesse said with a shrug. He could see Lily-Grace living to an old age, enjoying her life without a single man holding her back. She seemed that confident and free in the best possible way. He thought of Lilah for a moment and how she was currently putting on the show of a lifetime to hold on to that freedom.
“Well, I’m one of the people who does, but I think for a while I was surrounded by such awful men that I convinced myself I didn’t want to be a wife to any of them.”
“Well, Lilah told me to be honest with you so—”
“You talked to your cousin about me?”
“I did. Lilah has her own grievance with men and she always gives it to me straight.”
