She drew me into a swaying hug. “I know, which is why this is so fun for me. I love being the one to order you around and give advice for once.”
“Don’t get used to it.”
She laughed and gave me a smacking kiss on the cheek. “Pamper yourself and then wait for him to beg.”
“Go away.”
She laughed on her way to the mud room.“You know I’m right.”
When the door slammed, I headed down the hall to my bedroom to do as I was told for once in my life. I was tired of being the strong one.
TWENTY
Dutch
She didn’t comeby that night. Or the next day. Or the next.
Having her for a moment then knowing she was so close and so far away was a special kind of crazy making.
Restless, I punished myself on the rowing machine as the sun broke over the trees. Mouse stared at me the whole time,his head perched on the couch arm. His big eyes sad and accusatory at the same time.
I mopped the sweat off my face. “Stop looking at me like that.”
He moved his head behind the arm with a sigh.
The burn between my shoulders told me I overdid it, but I still went over to my kettle bells and did more body abusing sets. The usual reward for exercising was missing. Instead, all I could see was her hurt face in my mind’s eye.
Why the hell had I said that to her? Of course she hadn’t read my book. Even if she actually wanted to read it, I’d made damn sure no one could, thanks to my shorthand. The pages for Monte were locked in a drawer for fuck’s sake.
Beyond that, if she had read them, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
She wasn’t going to steal them. Intellectually, I knew I could trust her, but I was so messed up about writing this book, I didn’t trust anything—including myself at this point.
I’d just been startled how completely she’d pulled the scene out of my mind’s eye. Was it just because of the stories she’d told me? Maybe I’d been the one to actually lift it out of her personal memories.
Not facts.
“Fuck,” I growled and dropped the kettle bell onto the mat.
Mouse’s head popped up.
I went over to him and patted his head. “It’s okay. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at me. Again.” I dropped next to him on the couch and he got up and turned himself around to rest his head on my arm. I sighed and wrapped an arm around him. “She probably misses you almost as much as you miss her.” I touched my forehead to his. “As we both do.”
Mouse’s tail thumped.
“Let me take a shower and we’ll go see her.”
His tail thumped harder. I had no idea if he could actually understand me, but it didn’t seem to matter. I fucked up. If I still wanted her in my life I had to fix it.
Maybe it’s better if you’re alone.
I closed my eyes against that thought. Alone would get the book done faster.
That was a lie. I hadn’t touched my chalkboard or my manuscript for the last two days.
Annoyed with myself, I left the dog on the couch and headed to my room to get ready. I took an extra five minutes to pick out clothes after my shower. Ones that I knew she liked. The forest green plaid and dark washed jeans with a Henley.
I stared at myself in the mirror. The heavy beard was getting unruly. I walked back into the bathroom and dug out myclippers. Before I could think about it too long, I set it to a lower setting and buzzed a line through the dense hair.
