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“Can someone take me back to Creswell Springs?” I asked the two men standing across from me, not looking at either of them. They didn’t need to see the humiliation that was barely hidden below the surface. The tears I didn’t want to cry, the feeling of be
ing used. Again. Of being nothing more than a body to fill the void for Tanner Fucking Reid. Again.
“Did you two argue?” Bash asked, his voice tired but calm.
“I need a shower and a few days’ sleep with my son cuddled up in my arms,” I told him, ignoring the question, along with that trademark Reid magnetic-blue gaze. “I’m pretty sure my hair smells like trash right now. And from the way Quinn was talking, Reid is starting to forget what I look like.”
“Will Tanner be okay while you go back to the clubhouse for a little while?” Matt asked, concerned only for his brother.
Not that I could blame him. Tanner had been my number one concern the last few days too. I’d nearly lost my mind this week while we waited to see if he was going to make it through the worst of it. The first time he coded, I couldn’t keep myself from screaming in panic. The sound had brought Matt and Bash running, with everyone else in the waiting room right behind them.
Now Tanner was wide awake, thinking with his dick once again, and I wasn’t needed any longer. Nothing more than a second thought. There for his needs, but forgotten the second a pretty, older face filled his vision.
“He’s a grown man, Matt,” I told the younger Reid now, avoiding his gaze just as methodically as I was his cousin’s. “He doesn’t need me around to hold his hand anymore.”
“Jos, what the hell is going on?” Bash demanded now, no longer sounding calm, but frustrated as hell.
“If no one wants to give me a ride, I guess I’ll call my dad.” Pulling out my phone, I started to dial his number, but Matt jerked the cell out of my hand.
“Jet can take you back,” he assured me. “But only if you come back later.”
I lifted a shoulder carelessly. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.” He didn’t say how much later, and I was going to pretend that “later” meant “never.”
“Go tell Tanner you’re leaving, and I’ll talk to Jet,” Bash commanded.
As Bash walked back toward the waiting room down the corridor, I just stood there, staring sightlessly at the metal double doors. They were locked, but all I had to do was lift the little phone beside the door and ask the nurse at the desk to let me in. Some guy named Cristiano Vitucci set it up with the administrator so I could come and go as I pleased, no matter the time of day.
“I’ll come back with you,” Matt offered, and I jerked in surprise, forgetting he was still there.
“Do whatever you want,” I told him, knowing I was acting like a total bitch but unable to turn it off.
It was all flooding back. All the reasons why Tanner and I couldn’t be together. Mostly because I wasn’t his type. I was twenty years old, which meant I was at least twenty years too young for Tanner. He liked them older, had always compared women to well-aged wine. The older, the better was how he saw it. Age meant more experience.
I had neither the years he preferred nor the experience he enjoyed. Tanner was my first—my only, seeing as Reid and work took up all my time and kept me from finding someone else to earn experience with.
It didn’t matter that I was the one who loved Tanner. Love wasn’t what he’d ever wanted, though. That much he’d made abundantly clear the last time we’d had sex before I ran back to Oakland to lick my wounds.
“Jos?” Matt touched my arm. “I’ll sit with Tanner while you’re gone.”
“Yeah, sure,” I muttered, draining the last of my coffee and tossing the empty cup into the trash can by the door. Picking up the phone, I hit “0” and waited. “I’m ready to come back in now,” I told the nurse when she picked up.
“Of course, Miss Barker.”
The door buzzed, and I replaced the receiver while Matt opened the door. I walked down to Tanner’s room just as the doctor was coming out. Her eyes softened when they landed on me. “Ah, just who I was coming to see.” She clasped my left hand, giving it a squeeze. “I wouldn’t make too much of his flirting, love.”
I gave her a tight smile. “Who is making anything out of it? That’s just who Tanner is. So, surgery tomorrow?”
“That’s the plan. There should be no issues from the X-rays, but the ortho surgeon won’t know for sure until he’s actually putting the arm back together.” Her gaze went to Matt before coming back to me. “He seems to be in his right mind now. But just to be safe, I’ll have the next of kin sign off on the surgery.”
I nodded. “That is Matt, so there won’t be any issues.”
“Of course, you’ll be here in the morning for it as well?” She didn’t sound overly sure of my answer, and I didn’t confirm or deny my future presence. Dr. Gregory opened her mouth to say fuck knew what, but I smiled at her and shook her hand.
“Thanks for everything, Doc. You have been such a big help the last few days.”
“Jos, it really didn’t—”
“Excuse us,” I told her, stepping around her. “I need to tell Tanner I’m leaving. I have to check in on our son.”
