“Yeah, obviously. With what?”
Ryan glanced at me, and her eyes were surprisingly bright. “I’ll tell you later.”
She never told me.
Kylie was the only one having fun with the video, because while Ryan was rushing around to produce it, I was rushing around to develop a campaign for it, not to mention acting in it myself.
I remember having a sort of pressing question when she and I were on a break together, waiting for the crew to fill and test the water tank for that final scene—something about YouTube licensing for her channel.
And in response, she just looked off into the distance and said, “Mhm.”
Serge
She solved the cape problem in the eleventh hour. She called me in the middle of the night, in fact.
“I won’t put Wilder in a position he doesn’t want to be in,” she said in a rush. “We’ll have all the instruments around me; the guitar can just be one part of it. But, Serge: I want the crystal ball from ‘White Lace.’”
“Okay,” I said. “What for?”
“That,” she said, “is what’sreallygoing to save me.”
Twenty-Two
Mari
Iguess I’ve put it off long enough.
It just ... it happened in a blur. It’s hard for me to remember the finer details now that I’m back in Hamilton, now that the night of the VMAs feels like it happened to someone else in a different life.
Skip
When I saw the final cut of “Hear Me Now,” I knew it would be up for the VMA. We released it so close to the end of the eligibility period, but wejustmanaged to sneak in there, along with an EP that included “Moonbeam,” “September Rain,” and finally, “Hear Me Now.”
I’m not saying that to brag. It was just clear—Ryan’s positioning was right, she was reaching her peak, and it was a particularly well-done video.
Hell, they love spectacle. And they didn’t even know what kind of spectacle she was about to give them.
Kylie
The 2018 VMAs was such a fun night—I mean, up until Ryan disappeared. She also threw up a little when we were getting ready, but I thinkit was a combination of nerves and of drinking too much. Ryan and Mari and I got ready at my penthouse in Washington Heights, and Tatiana and all our stylists came over while we blasted music and ate Doritos and shit.
Ryan came back from the kitchen at one point and had a shot of tequila—I mean, I assume that’s what it was, because she was also carrying tequila for us—in a rocks glass. We knocked back shot after shot, and we were jumping on my bed, and the next thing I knew, we were flying through Manhattan in the limo on the way to the venue.
Mari
Ryan was never a pusher. But she was really pouring the drinks for us that night. It wasn’t until we were jumping on Kylie’s bed that I was likeShit, I’m really feeling this. And I climbed down and took a breather and said, “Whoa, whoa, Ryan, how many have you had?”
And she threw her head back and laughed and said, “Does it matter? I’m getting a VMA tonight!”
I said, “Yeah, and as part of your marketing team, I want to make sure you can walk to the stage to get it.”
She slid off the bed and smiled at me and sort of patted my hair. “Aww, Mari. It’s all going to be okay. I want you to have fun tonight—you’ve done so much for me.”
And she poured another round of drinks.
Tatiana
I came to Ryan with my ideas for the VMA look. I thought, maybe a spin on the spidery imagery, something silver again that would be a nod to her beginnings, or an homage to her past music-video characters. My silhouettes were all the Old Hollywood that she was known for—hourglass, classic shapes, tight bodice.
