We were cheering and screaming for her with everything we had in us. Ryan came off the stage, and she was beaming, but her eyes were filled with tears, and she was staring right at me—we all sort of dogpiled her, but she reached out and hugged me tight.
And she spoke very low in my ear, but very clearly and deliberately, to the point where I thought,Wait, are you not drunk? Are you completely sober right now?
She said, “You mean everything to me, Mari. Whatever happens. Even when it doesn’t feel like it. Okay? Do you trust me?”
And I said,Yeah, of course, of course.I didn’t know what she meant. I was going to ask her later. But in the moment, she pulled back and smiled wide and started jumping up and down with Kylie. Then everyone else flooded around her as the show concluded.
Frank
My wife and I held a little watch party of the VMAs back in the studio. I was so excited to see her win. I called her right afterward—I knew she wouldn’t pick up, but I wanted to leave a voicemail saying how proud I was of her.
She never called me back.
Victor!a
Yeah, I did see Ryan afterward. Just for a little bit. I had to congratulate her—she killed it up there! I’m sure you know about these things, but there’s kind of the preshow on the red carpet, the actual show, and then there’s a valet bottleneck, so everyone hangs around for almost another hour shooting the shit, postshow, before we all head to our after-parties.
I found her in the crush of people and gave her a hug. “You did it, Ryan!” I was jumping up and down and everything, super woundup. I wanted her to match my energy, but she just smiled at me and squeezed my hands.
She said, “Couldn’t have done it without you.”
We caught up a little bit, even though I couldn’t stay long; I was throwing this massive blowout in my loft in Dumbo and had to get over there to kick things off.
“You’re coming, right?” I said.
Ryan said, “Yeah, I have something I want to do. But I might swing by later.”
“Do it, definitely!” I told her. “We’ve gotta celebrate you.”
I don’t know; her vibes were sort of off. I didn’t feel like anything was weird at the time, but looking back now ... she seemed a little jumpy. Looking around and being distant. We all had drinks on us, but she was clutching that silver astronaut in both hands like she was afraid to lose it.
Tyler
If Ryan was at the VMAs that night, I wouldn’t have known. I pregamed and got shit-faced. It was a great night for me.
Helladonna
I tried to keep my distance. What did I have to say to her? Nothing.
But Ryan did come up to me and congratulate me on my Best Power Anthem win.
“Oh yeah?” I said. I wasn’t even trying to keep the cattiness out of my voice. I didn’t give a damn what she thought. “Did you actually listen to it?”
I have no idea if she realized I’d overheard her that time at the party, years ago. But to her credit, she looked me in the eye and she did say, “Yeah. The bridge is my favorite, how you added the organ and synth in the background. Gives me chills.”
I didn’t want to thank her—didn’t need her opinion—but I managed to say, “That’s my favorite too. Wasn’t sure about the organ, but my producer convinced me.”
She nodded and started walking away. I don’t know, I’m not really sure what came over me. I called out to her and she turned back. I said, “You know that Met Gala dress? The spider one?”
She looked nervous. I’m sure she thought I was going to call her out for it.
But I said, “That was badass.”
She smiled and said, “Thanks, Helladonna.”
What? It was. So sue me.
Evan
