W: Ellie, I know ... I know it was extreme. I’m not saying it wasn’t. I’ve missed my old life; she asked for alot. But Ryan is the mother of my child. And I loved her even before that became true—I had never stopped loving her, despite it all. Leaving was what she wanted. She was starting to burn out anyway, starting to wonder when people would get tired of her and move on to the next big thing. And because our relationship had always been the bigger priority to me than my career—even more so once Lilla was in the picture—I didn’t mind taking a big step back. Did we disagree on how to go about it? Yes. I swore to her that our friends and family could be trusted—you, Mari, our parents, even Skip and Jas. I said you all had a right to know.
E: Yeah. We did.
W: You did. But ... she had been burned before. And you, Mari, I mean everyone had connections to the press or was at risk of being tricked or even hurt by some psycho who wanted information. A clean break was the only way, just the three of us, and then we could reevaluate after a year. Like going on a retreat. And then a year turned into four.
E: And you forgot about us.
W: No. No, don’t say it like that, Ellie. Being a dad shifted my whole goddamn world, okay? We’re so remote here, and our lives changed so drastically, but it was ... it was something that felt special and sacred for the first time in my life. Maybe I wanted to indulge in that a little longer. Is that so bad?
[A long silence.]
W: Here. Let me get you a refill.
E: No, that’s—
W: What is that?
E: What? Nothing.
W: No. Your phone was behind your mug. Give me your phone.
E: Why? It’s just my phone.
W: Show me the screen, Elyse. Show me theGoddamnscreen!
E: Wilder, stop, it’s just my phone, it’s—
W: What thefuck, Elyse! Are you recording this conversation? Are you out of your goddamn mind?
E: I didn’t mean to upset you. Wilder, calm down.
W: Like hell! Like hell you didn’t! What didI Just Say? I vouched for you! I swore up and down to my wife—yes, my wife!—that she could trust you. That you would never do anything to hurt us. And after four years, you track us down, you come into my home, and youSecretly Recordthe things I tell you and you alone, in confidence, as the big sister who’s supposed to protect me—
E: What the fuck do you think I’m trying to do, Wilder? You didn’t tell me any of this shit! You kept me in the dark for so long that I thought you might beDead! Mom didn’t know, nobody in the goddamn country knew if either of you were dead or alive! Do you realize how fucked up that is? How—how absolutely unhinged anddelusionalit is for a partner to ask you to do that—
W:Sheis my family now! I have to put her and Lilla first. They are everything to me, and you, on the other hand, took long enough to figure out the message I—
E: You are not about to say that. I know you aren’t about to accuse me of not deciphering your weird little riddles faster when Ithought my little brother might be having a mental breakdown—
R: Wilder, whose car is in the—? Oh.
E: Oh.
W: Shit.
R: Hello, Elyse.
E: Hello, Ryan.
Twenty-Six
After my shouting match with Wilder, the sudden silence made my ears ring as I stared at the woman who had appeared in the kitchen with us. She was tall and slim, and her wavy hair was pulled back into a short ponytail, dyed dark brown.
But it was Ryan.
“How are you, Elyse?” She spoke again, as if the clear repetition of my name would calm me down. It did—marginally.
“I’ve been better,” I said.
