AllFreeNovel
Share Us
br />
“Yep, he was.” Knowing he wasn’t going to take that as a full answer, she certainly wouldn’t, she took a deep breath. Time to get this over and done with. “Sometimes he’d punish me by not talking to me for days. Pretty much ignoring me entirely. Once he brought takeout home and just sat there and ate it himself. I went to bed without dinner. Lost my appetite.”
Jake frowned. “And what did you do that was so terrible?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Usually it was something he didn’t approve of. Something not normal.”
“Not normal?”
She shrugged. “I missed this important dinner he had for work once because one of my patients had a breakdown and was in the emergency room after trying to commit suicide.”
“And he was angry with you over that?” Jake gave her a look of disbelief.
“Apparently it was a very important dinner,” she said bitterly.
He placed his hand on her thigh, running it up and down her leg soothingly.
“He seemed to know how much I hated when he did that.” She swallowed heavily. “Damn, this is hard to talk about. It made me feel so small. Like I was useless. Like I couldn’t do anything right. I’m a smart, educated woman. I give advice to other people about how to cope with their feelings, but I couldn’t stop myself from feeling that way.”
“Of course you hated it. Most people would, but it’s especially hard on a submissive.”
“But I didn’t know I was a submissive back then.”
“Honey, you don’t think it’s something you just developed now, do you? It’s not as obvious with you because you hide so much behind your jokes and smile. You’re tough. You’re strong. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt. And we’re always hurt more by people who are supposed to care for us.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“He knew it would hurt you. That’s why he did it. He might not have known what you are, but he could see your reaction. You want to help people. To please them. Not doing what he wanted probably led to feelings of guilt, which were compounded by his behavior. Losing any touch or communication would be like slowly starving you.”
“I think I’d have preferred it if he’d yelled at me.”
“Because then you would have had a chance to make amends or to know what was wrong or to defend yourself.”
She sighed. “I don’t think it’s so much about the submissive thing.”
“No?”
“Or at least not all of it. My dad was very distant when I was young. It got worse when I was a teenager.”
“What about your mom?”
“She was great.” And then she died. But she couldn’t tell him that yet.
“Having your dad keep his distance felt like a punishment.”
“I guess. And I was never really sure what I’d done wrong.” Other than living when Mom had died.
He moved her legs off his lap, and the now melted ice pack slipped to the wooden boards of the porch. Pulling her onto his lap, he held her tightly. “You don’t ever have to worry about that with me. All right? I might not normally be a big on chatting, but that’s when it comes to small talk or unimportant stuff. When it comes to the big issues we’ll both be hoarse before we’re done.”
“It takes a lot for me to grow hoarse,” she warned with a grin, wrapping her arm around his neck.
He kissed down her neck, teasing her. Desire arced inside her.
“Jake?”
“Yeah?”
“Why were you scared? Because I was riding the bike? I know how to ride.”
