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“Are you trying to warn me off?”
“What?” He looked genuinely surprised.
“Are you trying to tell me I won’t ever be as important to Jake as Rebecca was? You don’t have to, you know. We’re not in a committed relationship.”
He frowned at her. “You should be.”
“So you’re not telling me to leave him?”
“Of course not. Why would I do that when I think you’re the best thing that could have happened to him?”
She rubbed at her aching head. She’d had a headache since Jake had dropped her off at her apartment yesterday. Probably from all the crying she’d done. She’d cried bucket loads after discovering the lump in her breast and when she’d finished, she’d cried no more, vowing to live her life out how she wanted. No regrets.
Oh, but she had them now. Why had she ever gone looking in his closet? Idiot. Why had she even gotten involved with him in the first place? She’d known nothing good could come from it. She’d been selfish. She’d wanted just a few moments of happiness. But she hadn’t thought much about how it would affect Jake. About how hard it would be to leave. Way to mess up, Doc. She should be smarter than this. She knew better. And now she’d hurt him by dredging all of this up. That’s why he didn’t want a committed relationship. Because he still loved his wife. She got it. Jake was a loyal guy. It wouldn’t be easy for him to move on.
“What do you mean?”
“Jake blames himself for Rebecca’s death. For not being there. She shouldn’t have been driving that night. She was exhausted—”
“Wait, driving? She was in a car accident?”
“Yes. She ran a stop sign, she was going too fast and didn’t see it. She died before Jake could get home.”
I lost someone I loved in a car accident.
Oh, God, now his overprotective need to keep her safe made much more sense. All the men in Haven seemed to be built that way, Jake even more so.
“Jake thinks if he’d been home then it wouldn’t have happened. That he would have been taking care of her, and she wouldn’t have been driving to the store so late at night to get painkillers. He blames himself, which is why he doesn’t talk about her.”
“That’s terrible.” Her heart ached for him. And for herself.
He’d lost the love of his life. Someone he cared about so much the guilt of her death ate at him and kept him from talking about her.
“He pulled in on himself. I couldn’t reach him. No one could. Not his teammates or his CO. He quit the Navy and came back here. I decided to follow.” He looked off into the distance. “I thought things would be better for him here. That he’d start to forgive himself. But even though he cares about this place and the people, he still kept himself at a distance. All he did was work. He didn’t even play at the club. Until you came along.”
She shook her head. “I don’t mean what you think I do to him. I’m no one special.”
“But you are. He’s been a different person since you came to town. I saw him watching you, saw the way he was drawn to you. When he saw you at the club, he couldn’t resist.”
“He was really pissed at you for setting that up.” She should be too, but she couldn’t work up any annoyance. All she felt was sad and tired.
“I’d do anything to help him. He’s all I have left.”
She tilted her head to one side, studying him. “Maybe at one time he was. But I’ve been watching you too. You belong here now. You may have moved here for him, but you’ve carved out a place for yourself. You care about this town and its people.”
He sat back, giving her a cold look. “We’re not talking about me.”
Right. His defensive walls had just come up. But they weren’t in a therapy session right now and it wasn’t her business to try and figure out what was going on with him.
She sighed. “Jake and I aren’t in a proper relationship.” They’d both been holding back huge parts of themselves. She’d done it to protect herself in the beginning, she didn’t want anyone’s pity. But now, she realized she could never come clean. She couldn’t use her illness as to draw him back, to tie him to her. Jake was the sort of guy who’d stick around. Who wouldn’t leave her. But she didn’t want him to be with her out of some damn obligation. She also didn’t want to hurt him. Better to go now. Before either one of them got in any deeper. Well, before she did. Right now, he didn’t seem to want to even talk to her.
“Look, you’re a strong woman. You’re a therapist. You know how people work.”
Well, she’d have thought so. But dealing with other people’s problems were a completely different ballgame. Her emotions were too involved that any sort of rationality or reason had gone out the door.
“Force him to talk to you about Rebecca. Get it out in the open. He’ll feel better for it and then the two of you can move forward.”
“It’s not quite that simple.”
