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“I think so. In the past, I’ve only ever been dominant with you in the bedroom. But things have changed. The idea of you being in danger makes me feel ill. Do you think you could handle some rules outside of the bedroom?”
He waited, holding his breath until she nodded, and it whooshed out of him.
“Yeah. I think it might make me feel safer to have some more boundaries in place in the rest of my life.”
All the women in Haven had restrictions to keep them safe. They were enforced by their guardians. He was yet to give Keira any. He hadn’t wanted to push her, hadn’t felt like either of them were at that place. Besides, they spent all their time together anyway.
“Good. We’ll think about what we both need and decide what rules we need. We should have had this talk earlier.”
“Yeah, maybe Cole should have appeared a few weeks ago,” she attempted to joke.
“This has nothing to do with him.”
He regretted snapping at her as soon as the words were out. That small smile fell from her lips.
“I don’t think he’s a bad guy, Julian.”
“Even after what he did to us? To Joel?”
She just nodded, unable to look at him. Shit. He was such an asshole. Keira was a sweetheart. And if she didn’t want to hold onto any anger, he shouldn’t be trying to force her to. He’d make certain that bastard never had the power to hurt her again.
“Look at me, Keira.” He waited until her eyes rose to meet his. “It’s okay if you don’t hate him.”
“I’m not saying I forgive him or anything. I just, I already have so much anger towards Vincento, I don’t think I can be mad at Cole too. After what we went through, I just don’t want to hate him. I can’t.”
“And that’s fine, baby. Because that’s who you are. My sweetheart subbie.”
She snorted at that. “You’re not mad at me?”
“No, Keira. Never that. I’m proud of you.”
“Proud of me?”
“It’s easier to hold onto hate than let it go. You always were stronger than me.”
“Hardly.” But she relaxed in his arms.
“You are, sugar lips,” he told her, smiling as she snorted at the ridiculous endearment. “You’re the best part of us. Don’t ever forget it.”
“Are you worried about what bringing in another Dom will mean? I mean, what sort of rules might he make? What do you think he’ll want us to do?”
“I don’t know, kitten. But remember, whatever he wants, we don’t have to do it. Any of it. And, the truth is, with me taking more of a dominant role outside the bedroom, maybe we don’t need anyone else.”
That would be the most ideal outcome, in his opinion. Even if his gut told him it wouldn’t quite go that way. That there was still a long way for him to go, and he was going to need some help along the way.
12
He saw her startle at the knock on the door and had to bite back his growl of anger.
He hated what that bastard had reduced them to. That Keira jumped at loud sounds. Even now, Renard had to whisper-yell or she’d freeze up. Here, in their space, she should have felt safe.
Only it’s not your space, is it? You’re here because of Joel. But you can’t stay here forever. You have to man up.
Fuck. That was the thing his father most loved to say to him. Man up, Julian. Take it like a man. Be more of a man.
But he needed to figure out a plan for helping them both move forward. Starting with trying this plan of Joel’s. Because, at the moment, they were merely hamsters on a wheel, too terrified to jump off, too frightened to stop.
“I’ll get it, Keira. You stay here.”
