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“Gemma,” he said. He rubbed his eyes. “Jesus.”
“You looked happy. You hugged her. You smiled. And I realized I couldn’t remember the last time you’d smiled. It was then I wondered if you weren’t better off without me in your life. You were miserable with us, weren’t you?”
“With her, yeah. Not with you.”
“I wish you would have told me.”
“Yeah, well, as worried as you were about losing me? I was just as worried. Especially since I knew you weren’t into guys. As far as I knew there was nothing tying us together but Sally and friendship.”
“And if there could be more? That woman is she— ”
“She was just a fling. I don’t . . . there’s no one. Well, I thought that maybe Thea— ”
“Thea?” Jardin straightened, a strang
e look coming over his face.
“Yeah, Thea. When I first saw you with her, looking all cozy, guess I just lost it. I thought you’d sent her to torture me. I know how stupid that sounds. It’s not like you could have set our meeting up. I was being an idiot.”
“It’s okay. I get it.” Jardin looked thoughtful. “Can we talk about Thea later? Right now, what I want to know is if there is a chance you could forgive me? That you could give me a chance?”
* * *
Christ, it was hard to ask.
He was a man more used to demanding and getting his way, but he’d had to eat his share of humble pie. He’d fucked up. And whatever way Carrick chose to punish him would only be fair.
Jardin hardly dared breathe as he watched Carrick. As he waited for his reply.
“I don’t know, J. Don’t you think there’s too much water under the bridge? I mean, maybe we could just be friends again.”
He’d take that, but it wasn’t what he wanted.
“I think life’s too short not to go for what you want. For what you need. I regret too many things in life, Carrick. I don’t want to add to those regrets.”
“You’ve never been with another man before?”
“No, like I said. It’s just you.”
“And women? You’re willing to give up being with a woman?”
Jardin leaned back in his seat. “If the right one came along, I wouldn’t be opposed to having a third. Provided you agree. We’d have to both want her and for her to want both of us. Equally. And she would have to be okay with our relationship.”
Someone like Thea would be perfect. Nope. Not mentioning that.
“You’ve never been with a man, Jardin. What if we did get together and then you figured out, you’re not actually into guys at all. What then?”
Jardin thought that over. It was one thing to say that wouldn’t happen, but it would just be words. They were all too easy to say but harder to mean.
He stood up. Carrick looked at him in surprise but before the other man could move, he leaned down, placing one hand behind Carrick’s head, the other under his chin.
And he kissed him.
At first Carrick just sat there. Frozen. Unresponsive. And he wondered if he’d made a horrible mistake. It was all one-sided. He didn’t have the same feelings toward him. His hard-on started to shrivel. He drew away.
“I’m so—”
Carrick grabbed him, dragging him back. Jardin moved onto his knees between the bigger man’s open legs. Not a position he was used to. He was a man who liked to control everything. But whatever Carrick needed in order to forgive him, to take another gamble on him, he would give to him.
