“Well, that’s par for the course then, since you always thought you were better than me,” I mumbled the thoughts that swam in my mind.
“No,” he started to say but I cut him off before he could spout lies.
“Let me be clear, I’m humoring this apology tour of yours because I think it’s the quickest way to clear the air and keep you from getting in my way. It has the added bonus of making you feel better. I’ve had enough lies and deceit, though. Lie to yourself if you must but don’t come here and claim you owe me an apology and then try to blow smoke up my ass. We’re not repainting history.”
Those keen eyes of his studied me for a moment before he blew out a breath and gave a quick nod. He bowed his head and took another minute to collect his thoughts before his steely eyes came back up to meet mine.
“You’re right. I don’t even know why I treated you as if you were somehow beneath me back then.” He shook his head as if disappointed with the boy he’d once been. “Somewhere along the line, everyone saw you as the nerdy, clueless girl who was always lost in a book or trailing awkwardly behind the shit-hot new girl. They didn’t see the funny, smart, and talented girl from my grandparents’ backyard the way I did. Frankly, I might have had an ego but it was still fragile when we were in school. It felt like one misstep on my part and I’d be the one ignored and left behind while people I thought were my friends went to parties without me.”
“And yet, you had no qualms about watching me suffer the same fate. Honestly, I wish I’d put that together back then. Might have helped me get over the crush I used to have on you.”
James dipped his head to try to hide that smug smile at the mention of my crush. He failed since his hair was pulled back in a man-bun.
“Well, the walk down memory lane has been joyous as ever but I have adult responsibilities to handle. If blaming your youthful conceit on treating me like shit for years because you felt I was unworthy of you was the gist of your apology, then I’m going to show you the door.” There was no deep emotion in my statement. It was just the truth of things.
“You were never unworthy, Cass. The rest of us were.”
“I already know that, asshole.”
He seemed shocked by the quick turnaround from lack of emotion to yelling at him. If he knew me - the woman I’d grown into over the years - it wouldn’t have been a surprise.
“Yeah, I see that you do now. Still, I’m sorry for my part in the bullshit you went through back then and the last couple times I saw you.” He paused and nervously tapped a beat on the table. “I believed Simone’s bullshit, but I guess somewhere deep inside, I knew that she was full of shit and up to no good. I should have examined my own life rather than taking the easy out and putting it all on your shoulders. It was never your responsibility anyway. I guess I felt betrayed by the fact that you would no longer be my friend when Simone made it seem like you were still tight as ever. In my eyes, what she did was worse because everyone knew about it. No one knew we hung out sometimes outside of school. I get that the way we treated you was equally wrong, still it left me with a giant chip on my shoulder that you could hold a grudge against me and not her. So, it made me fault you even more when Simone would throw her relationship with you in my face.”
“In a weird and twisted way, I suppose that makes sense until you factor in the biggest issue - that it was all Simone’s lies and I kept paying for them even though I had nothing to do with eitherof you. I still don’t see where anything in your life is my problem. I was in the Army, serving my country and trying to forget all about my previous life in Violence.”
“I thought you were helping to make a fool out of me,” he admitted shamefully. I scoffed but it quickly turned into choked laughter as I tried to bite back the humor I found in the situation. “What’s so funny?”
“The only person who made a fool of you was you.”
James quietly absorbed my honesty and then nodded. “True enough. Never claimed my ego stopped being a problem.” It was the first time he really acknowledged he was the curator of his own downfall.
“Can’t regret it, though. Simone - for all the bullshit she pulled - led me to the club. She thought it would help since the ranch was failing when we were first married. She also thought it would do more for her to be associated with them. I guess, give her some sort of clout or maybe deeper pockets to spend with. She was wrong. They all hated her and made no bones about it if she tried to latch on to any of them in public. It gave me a reliable family to fall back on when my mistakes were laid bare, though.”
“I’m glad you had people at your back to help you through it.” Despite our miserable past, I meant it. The worst think in the world was to feel as though you were all alone in the darkest moments of your life.
“Sounds like you found something similar,” he mentioned as he tipped his head to the direction of the kitchen where we could see three sets of feet underneath the too-short swinging doors.
“They’re definitely not subtle,” I muttered.
“It’s okay. I’m glad to know someone has your back these days.” He chuckled softly. “You probably don’t know, but Jasper had your back, too. He chewed my ass out more than once for my idiocy where you were concerned. He didn’t even speak to me forsix fucking months after graduation.” I was honestly shocked by that. I knew Jasper was a nicer person, but the fact that he would cut James out of his life shocked me. Then again, I wondered if that had more to do with James marrying Simone than me. The crush she had on him wasn’t one-way. She was just the fool who wouldn’t wait for him to ask her out, or do it herself.
“I remember Jasper never had a problem speaking to me or being nice in front of others. There was a part of me that used to wish Simone had gotten what she wanted because Jasper might have been good for her. But then I would hate myself for wanting her for him because the reverse was not true.”
“What are you talking about?” James seemed genuinely puzzled.
“My crush - which she knew about by the way - was always on you because of the boy you were when we were alone at home. Hers was always on Jasper, and now that you mentioned her pushing you to join the club, I think maybe she didn’t like Jasper so much as his proximity to the Kings.”
“You’re serious?”
“Deadly. She used you to make Jasper jealous. Her only miscalculation was that he wouldn’t want her anymore if she had already been yours.”
We sat quietly as James stewed over the seemingly new information.
“I’m surprised Jasper never mentioned anything before.” When he said that I shrugged. “Then again, why would he? For all he knew, any perceived attraction from her before was only to get closer to you.”
“No, you’re right. He knew she shifted her focus. We have talked since then, after the last time I made another scene in front of you last year. I guess it just hits different to know he was right and that maybe it went deeper. I also need to get one of ourguys on finding out why Simone is so intent on keeping ties with the Kings.”
“You’re still with her?” I asked. I was shocked and appalled because we had made out just the day before.
