“You’ll have me, Jasper, my grandparents, maybe even my dad and his family,” I said.
“It’s not the same!” She wailed. “I need my best friend!” She sobbed into my chest again and eventually came up for breath long enough to stare at me with her swollen eyes and tear-stained cheeks. “You have to put an end to her crush once and for all. She’ll never believe her hope to be with you is dead until you drive it home that she can never have you. Not that she can’t now, but that she never could. You have to make her believe it so I can have my friend back.”
Doing what Simone asked would mean that I never got Cassidy back as a friend either. They might still have one another, but I would be outside of that friendship, something separate, watching them from the outside in. I felt sick. Even worse, it was a nightmare for me. I loved Cassidy. She might have never known it, but those feelings didn’t just vanishbecause I did the stupidest thing I could have possibly done by sleeping with her best friend.
I wanted to go back and throttle the men in my family for giving me shitty advice. I wanted to find Cassidy and run away with her. And then, I saw the way Simone held her belly. Our baby was growing in there and he or she was the most important person in my life now. I couldn’t let them down, not even for Cass.
“I’ll handle it, after we get our diplomas.”
“Good,” Simone said and then she turned to walk away.
“Where are you going?”
“I need to go fix my makeup,” she said without pausing a step. It was like night and day the difference between her sobbing herself to death and walking away to fix her makeup like now that it was settled, her outburst never happened. Jasper’s concerns about her playing a game came back to haunt me but it was already too late to do anything about it.
“Cassidy Billups,”Mr. Flemming called. She was only the fourth person to walk across the stage. Everyone else at least had someone clap for them, but Cass had no one. It was silent as the grave as she made those first few, hesitant steps toward the center of the stage. I caught the way she glanced out at the audience just before she was called. It was clear she looked for someone there - her dad, most likely - and she ended up disappointed. It made me want to scream and punch someone. She deserved better and I was going to make her day so muchworse. All so she could remain best friends with Simone while I pushed her further away.
By the time she reached Mr. Flemming, my grandparents started to clap for her. They were the only ones. Even the other students didn’t join in. Cassidy didn’t even look out to see them. Her shoulders shook, though. I figured she didn’t want anyone to see her cry if her own dad couldn’t be there to see her achievement. Fuck, I felt like a villain in someone’s story because I knew what I had to do to break the connection between us completely. I hated myself for it and at the same time knew it wouldn’t stop me from doing it. Simone needed this and so did my baby.
“We have to meet my grandparents,” I called to Simone who was preening and showing off her wedding ring to everyone.
“You have something to take care of first,” she nodded toward where Cassidy had just come from the restrooms. I was hoping not to see her before we left. No such luck as she was headed straight for us to get to the exit.
“Cassidy,” I called out to her. She startled and then gave me a stiff smile as she took a few more steps in my direction.
“James?” My name was a question. She wanted to know why I would choose now to speak to her openly. All of my friends were around. The same friends who had ignored her for years.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” I asked, allowing my anger and frustration over the whole situation - but especially for Simone who didn’t need the stress - to breach the surface.
“Excuse me?” Her voice wobbled on those two words and looked as if I’d struck her instead of asking a scathing question.
“You fucking heard me. Simone asked you to stand up for her at our wedding and your jealous ass couldn’t be bothered to be there for your friend. You know she’s pregnant,” I hadn’t meant to say that and felt Simone flinch beside me as everyone gasped and whispered. “Yet, you’re cool with upsetting her by notshowing up and standing there beside your best fucking friend. Hell, Simone’s the only friend you have in the world.” I could tell that leaving myself off that list stung just as much as the rest of it.
“Married? Pregnant?” She questioned as tears dripped rivers down her cheeks and soaked the front of her shirt.
“Yeah. Did you think we wouldn’t get married just because your jealous, bitter ass refused to show up? Simone is carrying my baby. Nothing on this planet could stop me from marrying her. She’s the love of my fucking life.”
I wanted to choke on those words because I was shouting at the love of my fucking life. She would forever be the one that got away. The one I pushed away with such gross, venomous hatred that she would probably be sick any time she had to be within a few feet of me. It had to be that way, though. Simone needed her more than I did.
Cassidy stood there stunned, unable to get a word out, so I finished nailing home my point in the only way I knew how to. “Newsflash, Cassidy, I would never pick someone like you. Stop being an asshole friend to Simone. She doesn’t deserve this shit and she sure as fuck doesn’t need the stress while she’s pregnant with my baby.” I kept reiterating that point more for me than for her. I needed to remind myself why I was being an absolute bastard to her.
“Enough , asshole!” Jasper yelled and stepped between Cassidy and me. It snapped me out of the red haze long enough for me to see what I’d done to the girl I once vowed to spend the rest of my life - even if she didn’t know it. Her skin lost every bit of color it once had as her body shook and tears streamed down her face. Her eyes darted all over the place from me to Simone - who seemed oddly smug - and then to all the other classmates who were gathered around and just as stunned by my outburst or the news of a pregnancy and marriage on graduation day.
I realized, too late, that I’d probably done more harm than good. Cassidy might never speak to Simone again because I was the man at her side and I had just publicly humiliated her.
Jasper didn’t say another word to me before he gently took Cassidy into his arms and walked her away from the gawking masses.
“Fuck, Simone, I’m sorry. I think I went too far.”
“No, babe. It’s okay. I think you went just far enough. She’ll get over it, then come apologize to me in a few days.” She grinned up at me like I’d just given her a diamond tennis bracelet. “She might not want to see you when you’re around, though.” She shrugged. “We’ll figure it out.”
I couldn’t watch my own best friend with his arms around the girl I really wanted. He didn’t have feelings for her like that, but I was still jealous because he was holding her, something I never got to do.
6.ALL YOU CAN BE
CASSIDY
One week after graduation.
