I wanted to dig my fingers into my chest and carve out my heart because of how much pain I was in.
What I had to do was cruel and brutal, but in the end, it was for her more than it was for me.
CHAPTER
SEVEN
SIENNA - A FEW MONTHS LATER…
"Babes, it's Christmas!" Rose exclaimed.
"And?" I drawled, drumming my fingers against the steering wheel as I took the turn that led me straight into my neighborhood.
"You should be out in a crazy, decorated apartment or some freaky wonderland, having fun in naughty Santa costumes," she pointed out, sounding as though I had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world.
"I don't care, Rose." I sighed. I had just gotten off a really stressful flight and wanted to get some sleep before my next shift. I wasn't up for any theatrics, much less on Christmas.
"We should be having fun together at least." Her pouty voice flowed through the speakers. "I hate this work trip."
Rose had been stuck on a work trip for a few days now. All her plans for us to spend Christmas together completely went down the drain. Not that I minded. The last thing I needed was being stuck with my scrutinizing best friend at a Christmas party I wasn't even going to enjoy.
I took another turn. "Sorry, boo."
"I promise. I'll make up for it with our annual girls' trip," she swore.
I smiled. "I'll hold you to it."
A brief silence ensued.
"I have to?—"
"No way. You are not going anywhere until you tell me how you really are. If you hang up on me, I'll keep harassing you with calls until you pick up," she threatened. "How are you, Sienna?"
I knew what she was asking about, but I feigned innocence. "I'm fine."
"Liar."
I sighed, exasperated. "What do you want me to say, Rose? That I'm falling apart without him? That I am okay? And I hate him for it. But he made his choice, and I made mine." A lump settled in my throat.
"I could kick his ass for you, you know?" she murmured.
I laughed, teary-eyed. "I know, but I'd rather you not. I have moved on."
"Liar," she whispered. "It's okay to admit that you are still hung up on him."
"I am not," I seethed.
"Fine, whatever you say." She chuckled. "Oops, gotta go, Si. I love you!"
"Love you too," I mumbled, and hung up.
My heart twisted, crushing itself as my mind drifted to how badly things ended between us. For some reason, I wondered if I had never met him, maybe my life would be nothing but a mess of flight schedules and crew meetings. I'd be swamped with work, but then, my heart wouldn't feel so heavy, and I wouldn't want to rip my own heart not to feel pain at every chance I got.
I knew what he was when I met him.
A monster.
Yet I still let myself get sucked into his orbit. I knew how dangerous it was to let my guard down for someone as heartless as he was, but I did it in the hope that he would reciprocate myfeelings. Not only did he not, but he tossed me aside when he was done with me.
