How did he even climb out? I know it’s low to the ground and quite spacious. He should have been comfortable all night. Oh dear, perhaps it was the storm.
When her gaze turned toward a window that revealed the pelting rain bashing the glass and even a quick lightning strike, she frowned. But not for long. A moment later, she wanted Ronan walk there and use the two rows of curtains to quiet the storm some.
She thanked him with a nod before gazing down to Oliver who had settled down in her arms. He clung to a strand of her hair. The pressure was there on her skull, but not awful. Her sisters had been much worse. No, this little boy was simply a treasure.
“May I?”
Finding Ronan there, arms out and ready, she noted he waited for her approval. She didn’t mind putting Oliver down. But she let Ronan, nodding and carefully trading the child over.
Their child. Some days it still surprised Isla. And then there were moments like this where it simply felt right. While Oliver had not always been a part of her life, he was now, and that was what mattered.
I suppose I forgot about Ronan. And did he forget himself?
She had only brought one candle with them. Rising from the rocking chair, she watched Ronan bend low to settle Oliver, hismotions slow and graceful. His hands lingered on the boy’s head for some time as though to keep Oliver calm. Or maybe it was for Ronan.
Unable to help herself, Isla came around the toys to stand beside him. She watched the two-year-old breathe deeply at peace. There wasn’t a trouble in his head now, they had made certain of that. She leaned in, carefully adjusting his blankets with tenderness.
It was such a peaceful moment for them. Isla didn’t know how that could have happened. Was it an accident? Was it bound to have happened eventually?
Gazing over to Ronan’s face in shadow, she couldn’t resist the opportunity she had with him now. There was so much she wanted to know, so many questions that played in the back of her mind.
“I adore his hazel eyes. I was wondering if he gets them from his mother. What was your sister like?”
Her heart puttered to a standstill when she felt him tense beside her. Everything within Isla stalled. She swallowed hard as Ronan pulled away from Oliver.
“That,” Ronan murmured in a flat tone, “is a family matter.”
The coldness emanating from him surprised her. How she wished he wouldn’t try to ruin a moment like this. There was somuch they didn’t know about each other. Why couldn’t he just talk to her?
Unable to resist, she gently reminded him, “I am your wife, am I not?”
“I don’t…”
Seeing the way his hands clenched into fists on the railing beside them, Isla gathered her courage to wrap her hands over his. Warmth over the cold. Something felt different tonight between them, and she wanted to understand this. To understand him.
“I only wish,” she started to whisper.
“Well, I do not wish to discuss it,” Ronan hissed. He was a little louder and they heard a shuffling on the bed below. Both of them froze, looking down to Oliver.
The child had turned over to his other side, putting his back to them. But he remained asleep. The deep rise and fall of his body proved that.
And Ronan looked furious. She could see the golden cast of him in the limited candlelight better at this angle. Before, he was a dark blur. Now, he was… so much more. So much less. He was a dark angel cast down from the heavens to live in misery. He was a pirate lost on land with no ship. He was a duke with everything a gentleman could desire and still so miserable.
Isla inhaled deeply, beginning to realize there was a darkness inside him he didn’t wish to share or remove or heal.
“I understand. You don’t…” The words hurt to say. After all she gave up being here, she was still alone. “I’m still not family. Very well. Good night, Your Grace.”
He flinched at her parting words. But he made no move to stop her when she hastily left the nursery.
Through the darkness Isla went, touching the walls and furniture like Lacey always did, to find her way. Ronan would eventually follow. Their rooms were next to each other, after all. But for all the thin wall that separated them, it could have been an ocean of water for how it felt.
Isla didn’t bother calling her maid. She readied herself for bed with shaking hands and then collapsed in bed. Only a few stray tears escaped. But she welcomed the darkness.
There was a lonely life ready to haunt her, she had learned tonight, and she supposed it was time she made peace with this.
CHAPTER 23
Ronan supposed he could have worded that better.
