Am I cursed to be haunted by these women for the rest of my life? Even for all my rapscallion ways, I attempted to make amends. Surely I don’t deserve this.
His stomach tightened. The world felt cold enough these days and he didn’t need this life to made into a mockery. Gritting his teeth, Ronan shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“How can it not?”
“It’s not a marriage for us. It’s a union for Oliver. He is the one who needs her, Hobbes. Nothing more and nothing less. We both know this to be true. Even if thetonand the household do not understand, you should.”
A long moment passed between the two men. Long enough that Ronan’s anger shifted into discomfort. He could feel the butler studying him. A second father practically, Hobbes had always been able to see him. He had stepped up when Ronan lost his father, so there was always someone in his corner. Someone giving him the courage to keep trying.
Perhaps it was once appreciated, back when Ronan was more of a boy than a man. He needed a voice of reason while he flaunted his charms and wealth about town.
But this was a different life now. He was a different man. A duke such as he didn’t have time for wants or desires. All he had now was responsibility. Accountability. He had estates to manage and a nephew to raise. Maybe Hobbes couldn’t understand that.
“A union,” Hobbes murmured softly, echoing Ronan’s words. “A union for Oliver. I suppose that is one way to put it. And yet it’s not Oliver she looks at that way.”
That way? What way?
He started to lift his gaze, open his mouth, to ask the question. To learn the truth.
But Ronan caught himself just in time. His hands gripped the armchair tightly. Shutting his mouth, he locked his jaw and bit his tongue. He was not going to ask. It wasn’t necessary. It wasn’t right. He didn’t need the truth, and he especially didn’t deserve it. No matter if he wanted it or not.
Although his butler bided his time, waiting, eventually he came to accept that Ronan would not do the asking.
Hobbes sighed then. “Are you certain she’s not what you want, too?”
Everything was suddenly too warm. Ronan couldn’t take it any longer, letting Hobbes talk about his marriage this way. The butler could never understand what he had been through, what he had to do. No one would understand.
In the last couple years, Ronan had learned what it meant to be alone. And he learned too this was what he deserved. His penance for all the havoc he had wrought in his youth. For living when Oliver’s mother did not.
He cleared his throat and spoke clearly, harshly, so Hobbes would have to listen. “Nothing will ever happen between us. This matter is over.”
The butler was prepared to meet his gaze. They stared at one another, a silent battle of wills.
But they both knew what would happen. It always happened eventually. It took a few minutes, but finally Hobbes managed a partial nod.
Then he left.
Once more, Ronan was alone. Just like he was meant to be.
CHAPTER 24
Rolling her shoulders, Isla scrunched her nose up at the tightness in her back. She hadn’t slept well.
She tried to take another bite and then gave up. The eggs didn’t taste right, and she didn’t like how crumbly the bread felt in her hands. Nothing felt right this morning.
How terribly she was out of sorts. After the difficult interaction with Ronan last night, Isla had a hard time sleeping.
What a dreadful start to the day.
“Finished already?” Hobbes asked when she left the dining room. His brow furrowed in concern. “Are you well, Your Grace?”
She managed a smile. Or thought she did until the butler’s expression deepened. “Well enough, thank you, Hobbes. I’m afraid I don’t have much of an appetite just yet.”
“Is there anything we can get you?”
Shaking her head, she passed him through the hall. “Thank you, but no. I’m sure I’ll be hungry at tea time.”
Away Isla went without any particular direction as the hour was still rather early. The sun was rising and the kitchens had been able to make her simple meal easily. Too easily, and such a waste. Isla shoved down the guilt of wasted food as she wandered down the hall and studied the art along the way.
