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“And now you want me to help you do the same.” He studies me like I’m some kind of complex theory. I can’t be the first person to ask him for something like this.
“I’ll be married soon and I’ll have to live over there. I won’t get the chance to learn any more about our ways here once I’m on the other side of the wall permanently. I want to know everything I can before it’s lost. Before I’m lost.” A hard ball sits in my stomach at my own words. Lost. That is what I will be when I’m on the other side of the wall. The Regime built those walls to keep people out, but I always feel trapped when I’m on their side.
The last words are the truest ones I’ve spoken in a long time. And it’s the root of my fear. That once I’m beyond the wall for good, I will be gone inside.
He shakes his head and looks away from me. The dim light shows off the edge of his jaw and I wish I could touch it. I wish I could touch him. Maybe it would wash away the emptiness I feel more and more at the thought of having to marry. Of being trapped on the other side forever. No longer able to help my own kind.
“It all sounds pretty noble, but you realize learning our history and finding peaceful ways to resist aren’t going to change anything. A bunch of privileged elites who indulge their rebellious streak once in a while aren’t going to help our cause. The only real change that can happen will be through actions, and those, princess, won’t be peaceful.”
He looks back at me and there’s anger in his eyes again. I have the urge to slap him. It’s an unfamiliar feeling. He doesn’t know anything about who I am or what I’ve been through. He’s ignorant to the inner battle I fight every day.
“We can only be passive for so long. Sooner or later we will have to take up arms.” I see the truth in his eyes and it’s ripping at my heart.
“I don’t have that in me,” I say, and my words are softer than I mean them to be. I’m a healer. The thought of hurting another makes my skin crawl with unease.
“I hate to break it to you, princess, but we all do.”
I sit up straight and cut to why I’m here. I don’t want to argue with him, I just want the help I know he can offer. There aren’t many people like him left anymore. Most of those who surround me are trying to survive the same as I am. We look out for ourselves and our families now. We can’t afford to help our neighbors. These are dark times, and when I saw his light, it was the first time I had hope in what felt like forever. I’m not ready to let that slip through my fingers. For the first time in forever, I don’t feel so powerless.
“Are you a teacher or not?” My question is direct, but if he can’t give me what I’m after, then I don’t want to waste my time. I’ll find another way. My time is running out. I can’t get lost to the other side. I could end up like my mother, never seen or heard from again.
“I am,” he finally admits.
He reaches out and takes my hand in his. The instant his big rough palm wraps around my hand, I feel heat slide down my body. I’ve never been touched by a man, and he does it like he’s been touching me his whole life. That he has the right to. He turns my hand over and runs his thumb up my palm to the inside of my wrist. He holds it there like he’s feeling my pulse. I’m scared to look up into his eyes, because I know if I do, he may see how much I like what he’s doing to me.
“I can tell you what I know. I can give you all the information you’re after. But I can tell you right now, there’s a fire inside you. And once you find it, I can’t put it out.” His thumb slowly runs back and forth across the delicate skin there. “Once you find it, it will set you free.”
A familiar warmth spreads in my chest, but I don’t speak. I soak it in, feeling a little freer already. I only nod as he releases my hand and gives me back my sanity.
Chapter Three
Owen
When I saw Minnie at the door, I hesitated to answer. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was shocked she was here. All this time watching her. Trying to find a way to get her to come to me willingly. Without force. I couldn’t believe the lamp in the window worked. It almost felt too easy. But I wasn’t going to question it. I’d been looking for her for years and waiting months to get her closer to me once again. My first attempt worked and it only hardened my belief that she was meant to be by my side. Meant to be mine.
