“What is going on? I thought we were—” I stopped short.I wasn’t sure what we were.“You know how I feel about you,” I said, throwing my hands up. She put her bags in the trunk and closed it. She turned and leaned against her car, crossing her arms.
“I know. I- have feelings for you too. This—” she motioned to her car. “Is for me. Not you.” She kicked off her car and started back into her building. I matched her stride.
“Where are you going? When are you coming back?”
“I don’t know if I can,” she said, not looking at me. I nodded. I’d been right. We reached her door, and she paused. She didn’t want me to go inside. “Desi, I can’t do this anymore.”
We both stared down at her hand on the door handle.
“Is this because of Ludovica? Or Corrine?”
“Who? No. This is—” every time she struggled to speak, she looked more and more frustrated. “Please.” Her lips trembled as finally, she looked directly at my face.
“No.” I reached for the door, placing my hand over hers. I turned the knob and threw the door open. “I’m not letting you leave without telling me why.”
I waited for her to go in before doing the same. She closed the door softly.
“This isn’t a good idea.” She brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. I looked around the apartment in shock. There was so much gone. How? I spun back to her, rage filling me. She was just going to leave without telling me.
“What? Me finding out that you were just going to run without another word? Because of some threats? I told you I would protect you from them.”
I went to her and reached for her, but she slid away as if I were infected. Her eyes went wide and shiny. “Desi, please. Let me go.”
My jaw tightened, and I gulped. “Do you love me?”
“What?” Her eyes, already wet, grew red. A single ruby line slid down her cheek.
“Do. You. Love. Me?” I asked through gritted teeth. I stepped up to her, pinning her to the wall. I put my arms up, and she cowered.
“It doesn’t matter. Desi, I—” her mouth snapped shut, and she began to cry harder. She covered her face with her hands as she sobbed. I pressed my lips together, trying to process everything. None of this made sense.
“It does matter,” I said in a much gentler tone. Her entire body trembled as she cried. I took my arms off the wall. I brought one to her hip, and she stiffened. I then reached for her hands. I tugged gently, and when she dropped them, I touched her chin. She looked up, her face stained with red tears and full of pain that she refused to share. I gulped. “Because if you do, then I’ll fight like hell to keep you.”
30
I kissed her.
I kissed her like it was the last time my mouth would ever grace hers. Like I had to show her every reason to stay in that kiss.
It didn’t work.
Her lips parted and reached for mine. They were encouraging, kissing mine back. Our tongues found one another’s, and I slipped mine into her mouth. Her breathing became heady as I pressed her closer to me. I closed my eyes and savored every moment of contact between us.
I made the mistake of thinking I had softened her enough to stay. At least long enough to talk to me. I pulled my lips from hers, a smile dancing on them. I opened my eyes and started to laugh but stopped short. She wasn’t smiling. She wasn’t laughing. She was crying.
“Scout. Come on—baby—Nerd. I love you. Don’t go. Talk to me.” I pleaded. She clamped her eyes shut as my hands went back out to the wall with a slam. I knew it was pathetic. My cries. But I didn’t care. Whatever it took to get her not to leave. “I fucking love you!” I pushed off the wall. She took the opportunity to slip under my arm and move towards the door.
“I’m sorry. I can’t—” she let out a cry of anguish. “It’s better if I go. None of this makes any sense, I know. But if I don’t leave, then something bad will happen.”
“What?” I hurried back to her, pulling her into my arms. She didn’t want to touch me, but I needed her. I needed to feel her in my arms as long as I could before she left. “What is going to happen? I can stop it. You don’t even know the power I have.”
She buried her head in my chest, and I squeezed her tight, rubbing her back. “I’ll kill every one of the Sins if it meant getting to keep you. They mean nothing to me. Scout, I love you. You love me too,” I said. “We can do anything. You’re just as badass as me. I promise. Just stay.”
“I’m sorry. Desi, I’m so sorry.” She sobbed. I kissed the top of her head.
“It’s okay. It’s just you and me. Don’t worry about them.”
She suddenly ripped herself from my hold as if I had suddenly become fire.
