SCOUT
I surprisedDesi in the morning by already having suitcases packed and ready to be loaded into his car.
“I decided to come with you weeks ago so I...”
“You are so fucking amazing, you know that, right?” He grabbed my bags and took them outside.Luis was just coming out of his room, groaning about not having power all night.
“I hope it gets turned on soon. All our food is going to spoil.”
“Your food. We’re leaving here soon.”
“Oh?” Luis turned just as Desi was coming back in. My roommate eyed him curiously. Desi still had half of his makeup on. It had smeared from our long night of lovemaking and eventual sleep.
“Um, maybe we should shower first,”Desi suggested.
“No running water,” Luis reminded me.
“Right. Well, maybe just a rag or something.”
“Hopefully, when we reach a hotel, they’ll have power. You ready?” Desi asked.He shifted on his feet, and I could feel the eager energy radiating off of him.
“Yeah, all right. You good, Luis? You’ll get a check in the mail with my half of the rent each month.”
“On time!” he called as Desi pulled me out the door.
“On time!”
My excitement was bubbling over. I had spent the last month fighting with myself over if I should do this, but it was really happening.We were going to spend the entire summer together, with him… working.
It had taken a lot of mental gymnastics to justify what I had done to Yorick, and what Desi had planned for the summer, but it still hung over my head like a dark cloud.
“What’s wrong?” Desi reached for my hand once we were on the road and traveling far, far away from town.
“It doesn’t feel right to be happy about this.”
“Those people on my list will die whether I do it or not,” he pointed out. “It’s all a matter of who gets the money afterward. Why not let it be us?”
“Karma, heaven, all that stuff.”
“There is no heaven for me.”
“I wish I had your confidence about not getting caught. I think if we did, I’d just kill myself,” I muttered and looked out the window.
“That’s not—Scout, please don’t say stuff like that.”
“Why not? You don’t think I’ve thought about it on and off since that night with Yorick? Why do I deserve to live but he didn’t?”
“Because he was a monster. You are the opposite.” His jaw tightened.
“Maybe to you. Not so much to the people he left behind.”
I closed my eyes then and forced myself to sleep. It was draining to go from such a good mood to such a low one in minutes.When I woke, Desi was pulling into a gas station.
“You want a donut?” He looked genuinely concerned for me. I could almost read his thoughts.
Was this a mistake?
“Donuts sound good. Nothing with sprinkles though.”
