SCOUT
I boughta calendar to count down the days to Christmas Eve.
Desi promised he’d come.He promised, and I knew he wouldn’t break it.
To save my sanity, I threw myself into my work. I took extra shifts as often as I could, and my tips and paychecks reflected as much. I was finally able to put some money back into my art school jar.
After each shift, I’d trudge home in the dead of night, through the heavy snow, wishing that he’d be waiting for me on my porch. I knew that it was a long shot, as he had told me he couldn’t see me for a while, but yet, every day, I was disappointed.
With only a week left before the biggest holiday of the year, I reluctantly agreed to take a day off. I hated being alone these days. Luis was still gone, so if I wasn’t at work, I was home, staring at the walls and wishing I was elsewhere.
Warm, safe, and wrapped in Desi’s arms.
My day off came, and I opted to buy a bus ticket to the mall, rather than ask my friends to come and get a ride from them. The more and more my heart poured into Desi’s, the less I wanted to spend time with anyone else. I’d rather be alone than with people who would try to tell me to stay away from him.
They had heard about his arrest and were quick to come around or call me. They seemed happy that their initial opinions about him were right. He was a bad guy through and through.
But I didn’t care.
I hung up on them. I shut the door in their faces, and I stopped hanging out with them.
He loved me.
And I loved him back.
I walked to the bus stop, put my coins in the slot, and took a sticky seat in the back. I put my headphones on and listened to the mixtape I was working on for Desi. I had originally planned for it to be his Christmas present, but now that I had money, I decided to wait and continue working on it.
In the mall, I searched through all the stores, looking for the right gift. I found some cool Iron Maiden and Journey shirts I knew he’d like but I set those back. I wanted him to love my gift, not just like it. As I shopped for the perfect present, I picked up a few small things. I found an ornament of a Jack-o-lantern that reminded me of him, and a few other small, spooky trinkets to put in a stocking for him.
Finally, I started toward the mystics store I had visited the last time I was here. I was able to afford the stuff inside now and was looking forward to getting him something really nice for his tarot cards.I went inside and had just started to peruse when I heard wind chimes coming from the back.
“Hello! Can I help—” She stopped short when she saw me. Her eyes went wide with surprise and her happy expression shifted to an angry one. “You are not welcome here.”
I looked at the fancy suede bag in my hand. “Excuse me?”
“You!” She stormed over and snatched the bag from my hands. “Get out! Your money is not accepted here.”
“Why?” I demanded.
She continued to scowl as she thrust her arm out and pointed to the exit. “Leave.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and steeled myself. I exited the shop empty-handed.My good mood completely deflated; I left the mall with no present for Desi.
The bus ride felt like it was taking three times as long as it had to get to the mall that morning. The longer I rode, the more I thought about what happened, and the fact that I’d have nothing to give Desi on Christmas. I cried into my scarf, wishing I could have gotten him that nice bag.
If I couldn’t give him a present, I’d do something else to make our day special. I made a list of all the things I’d cook. Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and so many cookies.
Every day that week before my shift, I walked down to the grocery store and bought more ingredients to make the perfect dinner. In just days, Desi would be at my door, smiling wide, and wishing me a Merry Christmas.
Christmas Eve morning came, and from the moment I woke up, my nerves were an excited jumble. I flew around the house, lighting candles and starting cookies.
I spent hours curling my hair to perfection and doing my makeup with as much care. I picked my prettiest dress, and despite knowing we’d only be at home, I slid it on. The pencil dress was made of black velvet and was strapless, with a sweetheart neckline. It had a large white bow right in the center where the dip was. I paired it with nylons and heels. I couldn’t wait for Desi to see me.
The day dragged on. Eventually, my mood sunk with the sun. The last words I told him on that phone call a month ago echoed in my brain.
“If you don’t come by midnight, I’ll consider it your final goodbye.”
The clock ticked from six to seven and eventually to ten and eleven. I promised him midnight, and I would honor that.I busied myself with putting the cookies away. I’d bring them to my neighbors tomorrow, I supposed. I wouldn’t be able to eat all these if I tried.But then, at 11:52, there was a frantic knock on my door.
