“How are you feeling, Scout?” Randy asked from the driver’s seat. All I could muster was a thumbs-up as he drove us back to my house. When we got there, Desi lifted me out and took me inside, placing me gently in bed.
I thanked him but was beginning to struggle with the pain radiating from my arm. While they had given me pills to take home, it wasn’t nearly as strong as the stuff they pumped into me there.
“You all right?” Desi asked. I pressed my lips tightly and nodded. “Let me go say goodbye to Randy and I’ll be back. Just rest, please.” He disappeared and returned an instant later, just in time to see me trying to roll off the bed.
“God damn it, Scout!” he yelled, hurrying into the room to catch me right as I was falling to the floor. “What is your problem?”
“I don’t want the help,” I protested through the pain. “I need to be able to do this on my own.”
“Why? I’m here.”
“But you won’t always be!” I cried out. Desi cradled me in his arms and tried to soothe me as the hot tears sprung from my eyes. He rocked me as I sobbed. “I have to make sure I can do this.”
“Do what?”
“Live! Walk, eat, go to the bathroom. Eventually work. I’ll never heal if I don’t try.”
“Do you have to try on day one?” he asked, exasperated. “I’m not going anywhere, Scout. Get it through your fucking skull.”
I closed my eyes and pressed my tear-stained face into his warm, hard chest. “But you will. You always do. You make all these promises, but the only thing I can expect from you is a recording on my answering machine every night. I need to be able to handle this on my own.” I tried to push myself out of his arms, but I was weak and he was stronger.
“I know I’ve been really bad at things,” he admitted. “I’m late. I postpone constantly, but not anymore. Scout, you are my biggest priority right now. I can’t live without you. If you’re not in my life, I don’t know what I’d do. Please, let me take care of you.”
His breathing became choked, and tears glistened in his beautiful eyes. Suddenly, his jaw tensed and his eyes hardened with what I could only describe as… determination. “I can’t exist without you.”
