“I’ve lined up a handful of girls for you to see if anyone interests you. It’s time, Sebastian.” She offered vague threats, but I was used to them and zoned her out. I didn’t really have a choice. Heather was my legal guardian. What she said went. I went on the date, but only in body. I ate, I sulked, and I left, not even learning the girl’s name.
Heather saw through my bullshit by the fourth date and became more insistent. She joined me, made me drink, and despite myself, the alcohol loosened me up.
And soon, I found myself relying on alcohol just to get through. If I had to do these stupid dates, I could at least enjoy myself.
The second girl I ever kissed was at a pizza place, in the bathroom. She’d followed me in and let me pee before barging into the stall and forcing her lips on mine, and then she dropped to her knees and her lips found my dick. I was far too drunk to understand exactly what was happening. My body was complicit, so desperate for touch. I closed my eyes and imagined it was Evie, not... whoever, and was able to lose myself for just a few moments.
And after that, it got easier. Much easier. Makeouts and blowjobs turned into hands, hips, and tongues colliding in ways I’d only ever done with Evie. But maybe Heather was right. Evie didn’t want me, but these girls did. Why not get off and go home? I could cry about the girl who broke my heart afterward.
Sex, something I’d considered special and important, became nothing but a release. Evie and I had put it up on this pedestal, saving ourselves not only for each other, but for the right time. Now, it was just something to pass the time in between auditions, commercials, photoshoots, speaking engagements, etc. I lost track of the names and faces. As long as we had a condom, we were good to go.
It was three months after I started dating that I had my first kiss with a guy. We were both hammered, and our lips just suddenly found each other’s. And it wasn’t bad. The scratch of his five o’clock shadow, his large hands on my hips—I was just as hard for him as I was for the girls.
We’d found my bed, and just as my shirt was coming off, the door opened and Heather walked in.
“Oh!” she yelped, her eyes widening as she took in the scene.
I froze, prepared for her to yell at me, but she didn’t. She was smiling. She stared and then slowly backed out, leaving us be.
I should have known then that she wasn’t simply okay with me being into both guys and girls. No, it was the next morning that I understood what had her smiling.
“I’ve lined up an audition for you. It’s a good one, and everyone is gunning for it. But you have an edge. We’re going to use it.”
I looked up from my breakfast shake. “What’s that?”
“The director likes you.” She was grinning like a shark, just having seen the sign for Amity Beach.
“So?” Lots of people liked me. I didn’t get why that was meant to be exciting.
Heather came over to me, her eyes bright and shiny.
“Sebastian. If you want this job—and I promise you, you do—then you need to seduce this man. Or let him seduce you.”
Seduce?
I furrowed my brow. “I don’t understand.”
She sighed deeply, and her shoulders fell. “Sebastian, flirt with him. If he wants more…do more.”
My mouth dropped open as I finally got it. “What? No, that’s—”
She reached for my shoulders, pulling me into her, gripping me hard.
“We need to do this. This is your chance to get out of the cheap horror movies. You’ll get to show off your range. Don’t you want to be up for an Oscar or an Emmy? Horror won’t get you any of those. But this one can. This script has legs. It has money behind it. It just needs its main lead, and if you let him fuck you, we will make millions.”
Let him fuck me?
My mind was reeling. I had to sit down. I fell into a chair, gazing off into the distance. Could I? It was unethical, cheating to get the job. Couldn’t I get it based on my own abilities? I’d taken a million hours of acting classes. I knew what to do at auditions to get the job. Was that not enough anymore?
Heather crouched in front of me, forcing me to make eye contact with her. “Seb, I know this is different for you. But if you can turn off your feelings, just consider it part of the audition, you can take us far. You’re finally ready.”
I chewed on my lip and steadied my breath so I didn’t get sick.
Could I do what she wanted?
Turn off my feelings.
Consider it part of the audition.
