“And just because I had opportunities didn’t mean I wished to take them. Or at least, take everything that was on offer,” he added.
“Huh.”
Lucien arched a brow. “You sound surprised,” he said drolly.
“Well, yes. I am. It’s just… that’s not what I’ve been told about men.”
He opened his arms. “And yet, here I am.” Then his gaze sharpened. “What about you? I hardly need to point out thatyourbehavior is unusual.”
“It isn’t unusual, it’s notapproved,” she said hotly. “Women have fleshly desires the same as men, yet we are shamed for it.”
He nodded vigorously. “It’s similar to how I’m made to feel shamed.”
“Except no one would ever call you ruined,” she pointed out.
Lucien deflated a little. “You’re right.”
“But I agree that you shouldn’t feel ashamed,” she added. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. It’s only that you—”
“What?” he prompted.
“Well, I’m sure you could have whomever you wanted.”
Lucien watched her closely, his expression grave. “Not quite.”
Alex winced.
Freddie.
In the heat of their encounter she had completely forgotten about his deep, impossible love for her sister and their stupid arrangement. Why had sheeverthought this was a good idea?
“I know there are men who think nothing of bedsport,” he continued. “But I always wanted…” He paused and let out a sigh.
He didn’t need to finish the thought, though. Alex understood.The dreamy look in his eyes said enough. He wanted to be with someone he truly cared about. Someone he loved.
She recalled the image of him crying furious, heartbroken tears in the hedge all those years ago, along with the look of enchantment on his face as he stared at Freddie in the gig just weeks before. Anyone else would have seen the beginning of a grand love story, yet Alex had only thought to separate them. What kind of person did that make her?
The villainess.
Alex suddenly felt ill and in need of a bath. Though it would take far more than a single tub of water to rid herself of this feeling of disgust.
“Anyway,” Lucien continued with a shake of his head. “Perhaps I’ve been too precious about it.” Then he fixed her with a look. “And you?”
“I didn’t give it much thought one way or another, to be honest,” she said. “Not until the opportunity to bed a man presented itself.”
“Benjamin Chisolm.”
Her cheeks burned with that old hurt. That resentment. She looked away. “I thought I loved him.”
“That is understandable. I’m sure he was very charming.”
Alex chafed against his gentle tone and turned back to him. “I wasn’t some cow-eyed idiot who lifted my skirts over a few pretty words.” Then she narrowed her eyes. “Is that what he told you?”
Lucien shook his head. “No. Not at all. He said he was your tutor and that you had feelings for him.” He cleared his throat. “Feelings that weren’t… reciprocated.”
Alex’s immediate reaction was to laugh. She almost would rather Benjamin had told Lucien the truth. Or a closer version of it. Butthen a darker, uglier thought occurred to her. She inhaled a shaky breath. “And you believed him without question because ofcoursethat was the most likely explanation.”
Lucien’s brow furrowed, but he didn’t deny it. “I—I didn’t… that is—”
