‘But—’
Penvale chose that inopportune moment to stumble back towards them, and placed his arm around Jacob’s shoulder as if he needed someone to hold him up.
‘And no doubt your friends will be able to find ways to keep you amused for the rest of the night once this wedding party comes to an end,’ she said, sending Penvale a glacial look.
‘Too right we will. After this, there’s a party at—’
‘What’s going on?’ Jacob said, cutting through Penvale’s rambling and shrugging his arm off his shoulders. ‘Why the sudden desire to see your friends? Can’t that wait until tomorrow?’
‘No time like the present,’ she said with a laugh that sounded fake, then her expression became serious. ‘Look, while I was in the retiring room I had a moment to think.’
‘Always a danger, a woman thinking,’ Penvale said, unaware that he was unwanted.
Jacob took Margaret’s arm and led her to a secluded corner. ‘So, what were you thinking about?’ he asked quietly, fear mounting within him.
‘I was thinking about the promises we made each other when we married.’
Jacob waited, suspecting that what she was about to say would have nothing to do with to love and cherish and certainly not to obey.
‘We said we would allow each other to live our lives just as we had before we married, that nothing would change. Well, I think it is time we abided by that commitment. Tonight, I wish to visit my friends, and well, under the terms of our agreement, if that is what I want, you have no right to stop me.’ She lifted her head in a defiant manner, as if she expected him to disagree.
Jacob attempted to mirror her stance, with his head held high, his expression impassive. ‘I will not try to stop you, if that is what you wish to do.’
‘Just as you have every right to go out to whatever party your friends will be heading off to after this wedding is over and—’ she coughed lightly ‘—and behave in the manner you did before we were married, with whomever you choose.’
Had he heard correctly? Was she really giving him permission to take a lover?
‘Is that what you want?’ he asked, his voice calm, even though his body suddenly felt as if he’d just gone several gruelling rounds with a bare-knuckle boxer.
‘It is what we both want. What we both agreed to.’
He continued to stare, trying to take in her words. It appeared he had been right. The moment she had seen him with his friends she had been reminded of the man he really was—a peacock, a man she could never respect. Their time together had not been real. It had been a delightful fantasy where two people who were never destined to be together had shared a few moments of transitory pleasure. Just as he had done with every other woman in his life.
‘Right, I’ll say good evening then,’ she said before he could respond. ‘I hope you have an enjoyable night.’ With that, she turned and walked out of the room without a backward glance.
If he wasn’t so painfully aware that she was right he would have chased after her, begged her not to go. But that would be the act of a selfish man, and if he’d changed in any way since he’d met Margaret, he hoped it was that he’d become a bit less selfish.
So he watched her leave, trying to ignore the way his heart was shattering inside his chest.
Chapter Twenty
It was done, Margaret told herself as she climbed into the hansom cab. She should be proud of herself for taking control of the situation. She had ended things quickly and cleanly before she lost herself even further in the illusion of a shared love between herself and Jacob.
Yes, it would hurt to hear that he had taken another lover. The stabbing sensation in the centre of her chest was sure to plunge in even deeper. But the pain would be far greater if she delayed their parting.
She had done the right thing, even if right now what she wanted more than anything else was to ignore everything she knew to be true, to run back to him and surrender herself once more to the delusion that they shared something deep and meaningful.
‘Where to, miss?’ the cab driver asked, alerting her to the fact that she had been sitting for some time in the stationary carriage, unsure what she was supposed to do now.
‘Um…’
She hadn’t thought beyond getting away from Jacob. Where to go and what she should do once she was away from him was something she had not considered. She couldn’t go to her parents’ house. She suspected they would send her straight back to her husband. Perhaps she’d do what she’d told Jacob she intended. Visit her friends. They were sure to give her refuge until she had time to get her thoughts straight and work out how she was to live her life. To that end, she gave the cab driver Alice’s address.
The driver waited as she rushed up the path and knocked on her friend’s door, only to be told by the footman that the Countess was paying a visit to her friend, Miss Primrose Fairburn.
Margaret climbed back into the cab and gave the driver instructions to take her to Primrose’s Kensington home.
The closer she got to her friend’s house, the more despondent she felt. Just this morning she had actually thought she was special. She had thought their lovemaking meant as much to him as it did to her, that the way they gave their bodies to each other was an expression of their love. She had convinced herself that when they made love he was showing her with his body how he felt about her, even if he hadn’t said it in words. But she’d been wrong.
