Isaiah glanced at his boot, kicking at the snow. “I thought I could trust her, and I did, especially when she promised we’d be together forever. As you said, I am naïve. You weren’t wrong about that. I wanted what everyone else had, what we grew up with. I thought I would have it with her. We were young, stupid, and I thought true love wouldn’t lie.”
“What did you do?”
He shrugged as our past scrolled through my mind. “I told her everything. Who I was. I showed her, and she hated me for it. She told her father, who told our grandfather, but I was none the wiser. She lured me out with a note, saying she wanted to talk, but he was there with his guards.” Isaiah looked at me. “Then you and your generals saved me, and we were cast aside.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, unable to keep the hurt and anger from my voice.
He shrugged and dropped his gaze to his hands, his thumb worrying over his knuckles. “I thought you’d hate me for getting us exiled. Leave me the first chance you got.”
We had never talked about that day. I had saved Isaiah’s life, dismembering our grandfather for daring to touch my brother. In doing so, I had damned us both to Yejedin. I always thought it was my slip-up, but it was his. It was his burden to bear, and it had become his own personal torture. He was a fool to blame himself. Regardless of his part, it was my fault for even being there in the first place. I was the older brother. I was supposed to protect him. Instead, I’d failed and placed a target not only on myself but on him.
“It’s not your fault,” I said quietly.
His head whipped up, obviously having expected me to curse or yell at him. “How can you say that after what I just said?”
“Because you’re right,” I said. “You are dumb and naïve. Even with everything you’ve done, who you’ve killed and maimed, you’re still my little brother. I am supposed to watch out for you. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Essa’s for leading you there and mine for frying him. Don’t blame yourself.”
Apparently, he had waited lifetimes for those words. He turned away from me and raised his hand to his face. I heard him sniffle, but when he turned back, not a speck of emotion remained on his face.
“You know I didn’t mean what I said. I don’t wish you were dead. It’s actually quite the opposite. I’d be lost without you. I was for a long time. All I had was Nismera. I think I’m just … hurt.”
Perhaps this was my punishment for all the things I had done. She had instructed me, and I had carried out her orders without hesitation. I was finally receiving the just rewards for the bed I so casually made at her behest. I was bound to the woman I loved but could never have. Now, I had to watch her love the brother I detested. The only other person I thought cared had betrayed and abandoned us. This was my Iassulyn.
“Yeah,” I said. “Me too.”
He took a step, the snow crunching beneath his boots. He stopped beside me, both of us watching as the grayish clouds caressed the mountainside. “We’ll figure this out. We always do.”
I only nodded.
“So, the plan tomorrow?” he asked.
“Make sure you eat well before.”
Isaiah nodded before sitting on the cold ground near my feet. Around him, the snow started to melt, revealing the broken stone below. The heat he emitted conquered even this icy terrain.
Silence fell between us as the elements raged on, and we watched from the relative safety of the trees. As sleep made its way through the forest, Isaiah retired for the night with a pat on my shoulder. I promised to do the same, but I did not follow. I stayed there atop the mountain as night turned into day, but I was not alone. Perched above me in the branches, a midnight bird stood sentinel, its cold, dead eyes watching me. Perhaps speaking with Isaiah gave me an ounce of peace, but that was it. Seeking penance was like removing a hundred jagged blades. They cut you up into pieces, and making yourself whole again was its own special agony. Maybe the younger me would have tried to mend those wounds that ran to the bone. But to the man I was now, healing them was a dreaded task.
I’d rather just bleed.
48
DIANNA
Hiking was never something I enjoyed. Sure, I liked running, but hiking up a steep mountain after sludging through a pit of black goo turned my mood sour. I guess it could have been worse. Samkiel, the true love of my life that he was, took one look at the swamp, curled his nose, then carried me through the muck without so much as a complaint. Of course, I could have managed on my own, but I would never turn down the opportunity to be in his arms. Kaden and Isaiah had given him confused and bewildered looks, but he’d just grinned smugly and scolded them for not knowing how to care for someone they truly loved. That sparked another spitting match between the brothers.
My nerves were wearing thin from their constant bickering. I was probably going to die before we ever completed this ill-intended mission, and the guys were going to rip themselves to pieces long before we made it to the Otherworld.
Samkiel’s powers came in handy, keeping the smell and scum of the swamp off us, but the same couldn’t be said for Kaden and Isaiah. Samkiel snickered every time he looked at them, but I finally convinced him to clean them up a bit, just so we wouldn’t have to put up with their reek. He did the bare minimum, leaving them speckled with spots of black tar.
“Why couldn’t we just teleport?” I said. “Or I don’t know, fly?”
Isaiah tossed me a disgusted look. “What’s the matter, princess? Feet hurt?”
I flipped him off, and he snorted, hurrying to catch up with Kaden. He knew the way, so he had taken the lead. It made me more than a little uneasy, but it was to be expected, of course. They were much more familiar with the Otherworld than either of us.
“We don’t want them to know Samkiel is coming,” Kaden answered, not looking at me. “And a portal or flying is pretty much the equivalent of blaring a giant fucking horn.”
I blew out a breath, rolling my eyes. Fine. If it were to protect Samkiel, I would walk. Although it felt like we were climbing a fucking mountain, and as the snow-covered trees thinned, I realized we fucking were. I was surprised at how high we were. We had been walking for hours, and there had been too many damn trees, but I saw it now.
