I rested there, letting the truth settle in my chest: whatever walls I usually kept reinforced hadn’t gone up tonight. With him,the danger wasn’t in losing control, but in how natural it felt not to hold it so tightly anymore.
***
We managed to escape the laundry room without anyone seeing us, slipping back into the noise of the backyard like we hadn’t just been wrapped up in something private. The grill was still going, smoke curling into the warm air, music spilling from the speakers as the teams spread out across the deck and the lawn.
The Valkyries had clustered near the long outdoor table. I dropped onto the bench beside Micah, the wood warm beneath my legs, grounding me back in the moment. From across the yard, Connor stood with Jake and a few of the guys, talking with them, but focusing on me. I tried to widen my eyes subtly to tell him to knock it off, but it just made the corner of his mouth tip up more.
“Where did you go?” Micah asked, and my head snapped toward her.
“Bathroom,” I said too quickly.
“Long-ass bathroom break,” she muttered under her breath. My eyes found the floor, waiting for others to hear her, but no one said anything. I exhaled the breath I’d held and just shot her a half-smile, forcing myself to look away from her, only to find Connor still staring at me. Heat crept up my neck, and I broke eye contact first, turning back to the table, wishing I had a drink to do something with my hands. I was almost sure Micah would’ve seen that, but again, I couldn’t bring myself to look at her yet, not in front of everyone.
Laughter moved through the group, easy and familiar. I leaned back, letting myself settle into it, letting the normalcy do its work, completely ignoring the weight of the attention lingering from Connor.
Evie picked at the label on her bottle, quieter than usual. She stared out across the yard for a second too long before sighing.
“If my phone buzzes one more time, I’m throwing it into the neighbor’s pool.”
Lola patted her knee. “Things still rough with Linc?”
Evie rolled her eyes. “He’s decided now is the time to have a ‘serious conversation’. I’ve told him I’m busy.”
“What happened?” Micah asked.
“He keeps refusing to talk to me about moving in together,” Evie said, hands flailing.
“After seven years?”
“After seven years,” Evie confirmed, blowing out a breath. “Every time I bring it up, he jokes it away or changes the subject. But the second I stop pushing, suddenlyI’mthe problem for not communicating.”
Lola shook her head. “So he doesn’t want to move forward, but he also doesn’t want to commit.”
“Exactly,” Evie said, frustration pinching her features. “I don’t even need a yes. I just need him to saysomethingthat isn’t a deflection.”
Micah leaned her elbows on the table. “Have you actually told him that part?”
Evie hesitated, twisting the bottle in her hands. “I’ve tried. He says I’m making it bigger than it is.”
A beat passed, and the noise of the yard filled in the quiet. I wasn’t good at relationships, so I didn’t feel qualified to give advice here. I grabbed a beer from the cooler behind Micah, needing to do something.
Evie lifted her shoulders in a half-shrug. “I love him. I do. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m asking for too much, when all I want is to know if we’re going in the same direction.”
She dropped her gaze to the table, blinking hard once before taking a longer drink like it might steady her.
“Anyway.” She forced a lighter tone that didn’t quite land. “Can we not dissect my relationship at a barbecue? I’d really love a subject change.”
“Say no more,” Lola replied immediately. “New topic. Preferably one that involves men being stressed for once.”
Delany was the one who broke it, her gaze drifting toward the deck, where the Knights were gathered. “Speaking of things we’re absolutely not supposed to speculate about…”
Lola groaned. “Oh no.”
“What?” Evie asked, already bracing herself.
“I heard something earlier this week,” Delany said, lowering her voice, not looking at me. “About Connor.”
My attention snapped back to the conversation with alarming clarity at the mention of his name.
