“Do you understand why you need this?” he asks. A hand brushes over my lower back and I flinch. Even though my scars have long since healed, the phantom pain cuts through me all the same.
I nod my head twice.
“I think you need an extra punishment this time.” The bed shifts and Shane straddles my thighs, pinning me in place as he leans across my back. His breath is hot against my ear as he says, “You shouldn’t have left me, little mouse.” Then he grabs my wrist and fastens a rope around it, attaching the other end to the headboard.
I let out a startled cry. He hasn’t had to tie me down in years; I don’t need it—I’ll stay still and be good! I open my mouth to tell him no, but my throat tightens, making it impossible. He grabs my other hand, and the only thing that comes out of my mouth is a whimper.
“You need this, Bailey. It’s going to be so much worse this time, but it’s for your own good. You need to feel the pain you caused those defenceless animals, don’t you? It’s the only way to get you to stop—at least for a little while.”
I pull on the restraints, but they don’t budge. Between them and the weight of him pinning me down, the fight starts to bleed out of me. I’m breathing so hard and fast that I feel light-headed.
“Do you think Theo cares about you the way I do? That he would stay if he knew what you were capable of? He wouldn’t know how to manage your episodes.” Shane pushes, sowing that seed of doubt I’d tried so hard not to let take root.
I hear the flick of a lighter and flinch, pressing deeper into the mattress.
“What do you think will happen if you leave me? If there’s no one to keep you under control? What happens when animalsaren’t enough and you want to hurt someone?” He leans closer, whispering. “What if you hurt Theo?”
The moment the cigarette touches the bare skin of my lower back, I slam my eyes shut and suck in a breath. It never used to be like this. When we were much younger, he would try pinching, or stabbing with drawing pins. Holding teaspoons over candles and pressing them to my skin. Anything he could think of to show how those animals had suffered because of me. When we were fourteen, he tried using cigarettes for the first time. It would work for a while. For a few months I’d be good. No blackouts. No dead animals. No punishments.
I lose track of time. My face is stuck to the sheets from a mix of tears, snot and drool, body devoid of any feeling except for the blistering heat on my back. Shane climbs off of me, and I hear him throw the empty cigarette packet in the bin. My body shakes from the pain and adrenaline. I try to draw in a deep breath but it’s hard with the thick smoke lingering in the room, bitter and acrid. Thankfully, Shane opens the window to let in fresh air.
“That was punishment number one,” he says.
I can barely turn my head to look at him as the movement pulls at the burnt skin.
“Now for punishment two,” he says, flicking open a small knife.
“No,” I rasp out as I pull on the restraints again, ignoring the pain rippling across my back.
Shane places a hand on my ribs. “Just a little something to remind you of who will always be there for you, even when everyone else turns their backs,” he mutters.
White-hot pain sears against my side as he pushes the knife into me. It doesn’t go too deep, but after the first slice, my body gives out, except for the occasional involuntary flinch. I can’t stop the whimper that escapes me when I realise I won’t be going home to Teddy tonight.
Teddy
Hey, just got home, I thought you were meeting me at the coffee shop?
I should begrateful Shane left me with my phone and untied my wrists, but that’s no use to me when I have no idea what I should tell Teddy. This was all my fault. I chose to get my mum from the hospital. I chose to come into this house again, after swearing I wouldn’t. And I chose to hurt those animals. I deserved the punishment. And now I have to wait until my injuries heal before I can see Teddy again.
IfI see Teddy again.
I know I shouldn’t. Shane is right; if Teddy ever found out about this, he’d never talk to me again. He’d probably call the police, just like Mum wanted to do, and if I go back and keep silent about it, then one day it might be him I end up hurting.
I sniffle at the thought, eyes and nose burning from holding back tears. I don’t want to deal with that yet. Ignoring the text, I slowly peel myself off the bed and limp over to the mirror. A sob breaks free, and my vision blurs through tears as I look at the amount of cigarette burns on my back, red-raw where the skin’s peeled off, blisters oozing. I gag at the sight of it.
He’s ruined me.
Something else catches my eye. Just under my arm, across my ribs, is the evidence of my second punishment.
Jesus Christ ...
My breathing speeds up as I watch a trickle of blood run down from the jagged ‘S’ he’s carved into me. I turn away sharply, unable to look at myself anymore.
I lay back on the bed, and grab my phone.
Me
My mum was in the hospital and I had to take her home. I need to stay here for a while
