“What?”
“I’m not ready! We’re only eighteen for fuck’s sake, Teddy.”
He just stands there, letting me spit vitriol, looking so calm, while I’m static in the air before a lightning strike. I hate not knowing what’s going on in his head. Why isn’t he fighting for me to stay? It’s a selfish thing to think—I know I’m doing this forhim, but does he not care if I walk out of his life?
I take a deep breath before carrying on. “I’m not ready for all of this. I don’t … I don’t want to be with the first boy I fucked forever.” I don’t even know what’s coming out of my mouth. It’s all lies. I’m always lying to him. Ever since I first met him.
Teddy’s face crumples, finally. “You said you loved me?—”
“I lied!” I yell, feeling my cheeks heat.
He flinches. “I … I don’t believe you,” he says, looking me up and down as though he can see the lies written on my skin.
I love him. More than I thought possible, and I’d choose his safety over mine, every damn time. He’s not safe with me. I’ll never be able to tell him the truth about me without breaking us both. At least doing it this way, he’ll be free to move on with his life. I’ll just be that arsehole ex that broke his heart.
Broken hearts can be fixed—I can’t.
“Believe me, Teddy, I’m leaving.” I pick up my bags and try to step around him, but he puts his arm out to stop me.
“Please, Bay,” he whispers. We’re so close, I’d just have to lift my chin to kiss him one last time. His eyes wander over my face, then go wide. “What happened to your neck?” He hooks a finger into the turtle-neck jumper I’d stolen from him. I grab his hand to stop him. My neck’s still tender from when Shane grabbed me. In my panic, I shove Teddy back and he loses his balance, collapsing to the floor with a grunt.
I’m out of the house within seconds, already at the end of his driveway when I hear him.
“BAY!”
I start to run.
“BAILEY!” His voice breaks, and so does my heart right alongside it. I run as fast as I can, knowing if I stop for even a second, I’ll crawl back to him and beg for forgiveness.
And that will destroy us both.
THEO
After an hourof driving in silence, I pull over and park outside a lilac-coloured two-up two-down. We get out of the car and I follow Bailey to his front door. My body’s vibrating with anticipation. I know as soon as I cross the threshold, there’s no turning back.
Steadying myself on the door frame, I watch as Bailey walks through the open plan space to the kitchen, dumping his keys onto the counter. He keeps his back to me, oblivious to my mental tug of war. I slowly step inside and shut the front door behind me.
“You can’t remember that night,” I say, voice too loud, cracking through the silence.
He turns to me and shakes his head. “I remember some of the night, but part of it’s just … gone. Like a-a blackout.”
“Whatdoyou remember?”
“That we broke up … I regretted everything I said and wanted to talk to you. But by the time I got back to your house, your dad said you’d already left.”
My dad?He never told me. I rub a hand down my face. “Do you know where Shane was?”
“He … he was with me for some of it.” His brow creases, and he pulls his jumper sleeves over his hands. “Why?”
“After the blackout?”
“What do you mean?” he asks, voice wavering slightly, putting the cuff of his sleeve into his mouth.
I close the distance between us, and pull his hand away. “Did you see Shane after you blacked out?”
“N-no, I ran away.”
Okay … okay, fuck. I believe him. He was always a terrible liar, avoiding eye contact like the plague. But I’m staring right into those blue irises, laced with gold, and he’s holding my gaze. He looks scared, like he wants me to reassure him that it’s not as bad as he’s thinking. I’m going to have to tell him that it’s so much worse. I have so many questions for him, but first I need to swallow down my fear and tear that wound right open again. I need to tell him what happened to me, exactly the way I remember it.
