Teddy’s eyes narrow for a moment, then his face twists into rage. “Bailey,” he growls. “Why the hell did you stay there for a whole month after that?” He takes a step towards me.
“I couldn’t trust myself around you. Shane said I’d hurt you,” I whimper. “I tried to stay away, Teddy, I promise. I was scared I’d hurt you, but I couldn’t stay there in that house with them. I just wanted to come home to you,” I cry out. “I ended up hurting you, just like he said I would. My stupid fucking brain made me forget about it.” I gasp for air, pulling my hair until my scalp stings. I step towards him and shove his chest, making him stumble back. “Justleave, Teddy!” I yell. “I want you to go. Get out!” I push him again, but he catches my wrists, shoving me against the wall with his thigh wedged between mine, holding me in place.
“Get off me!”
“Not until you listen,” he snaps, leaning so close that our foreheads are almost touching. “Has any of this shit happened since you moved to Cumbria?”
My body stills. It doesn’t prove anything. I could have done something at any point in the past twelve years and have no clue. And yet ... “N-no.”
“Has Noah or Jake ever said you’ve blacked out? Sleepwalked? Have they ever found any animals? Have you?”
“No.” I realise he’s right. His hands around my wrist feel like shackles. I try to move out of his grip, but I can’t. “Teddy, please?—”
“So why would you think you did anything wrong?” he asks softly.
“I-I don’t know, I don’t …” None of it is making any sense.
I can’t think straight.
Can’t breathe.
“Teddy, let go, please,” I gasp.
He ignores me, pushing his forehead against mine. I’m reminded of the night in the pub when I did the same thing to him. Ignored the fact he was struggling. Pushed and pushed until we both broke.
“It was Shane.” He doesn’t completely let go of my wrists, but he lowers them so they’re between us. Rubbing circles where his fingers had dug in. I stare into his eyes, unable to look away.
“You can’t know that,” I whisper.
“I can. I’ve never let myself think about that night fully because it makes me feel sick. Anytime the memories try pushing their way forward, I shove them back down, only for them to return in fragments in my sleep.” He pauses, then asks, “Shane has different coloured eyes to you, doesn’t he?”
I nod slightly. It’s the only way Mum could tell us apart sometimes. I have a ring of gold around my pupils, like my dad. Shane has pure light blue, like Mum.
Teddy lets go of my wrists and cups my face, wiping away tears with his thumbs. “Shane held the knife in his left hand. You’re right handed.”
My breathing picks up.
“When I last saw you, you had bruises on your neck.” His fingers run along my jaw and brush against my neck. “Did Shane do that to you?”
My bottom lip wobbles, and my throat burns as I force words out. “Yes.”
“He wore a crew neck. No bruises.”
I swallow.
“What’s my name?” he whispers.
“What?” I breathe.
“Tell me what my name is.”
“T-Teddy …”
“He called me Theo,” Teddy chokes out, “I’m so fucking sorry, Bay. I should have realised.”
I wonder if this is how it feels to have a heart attack. My chest feels like it’s been struck by lightning.
“What haven’t you told me? Why can’t you remember that night?” Teddy asks.
