“I know that, little mouse. It’s a good thing you did, because I don’t think he’d like to know what you just did.” Shane starts stroking my hair, twirling the ends around his finger.
My heart thumps hard and fast, and the walls close in on me. “W-what do you mean?” I whisper.
“I saw you. You dump your boyfriend and in less than twenty-four hours, you’re bending over for fuckingDean? Are you that desperate for attention? What would Mum say?” His hand tightens in my hair, and I choke out a sob.I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t let him … I—I tried to get him off of me.
I shake my head and try to say no, but everything’s locked down again.
“Roll over.”
I know what’s coming, but I don’t understand why. I’ve done nothing wrong this time. It wasn’t my fault. I shake my head. I can’t deal with this, not on top of what Dean just did. Shane leaves me no choice, wrestling me onto my front, and I find myself in the same position as earlier. He grabs my wrists and pulls them above my head.
“No!” I croak out. He’s never done this without me agreeing to it first. He isn’t listening to me.
I feel a needle pinch into the crook of my elbow as he whispers, “Keep quiet, little mouse.”
When I wake up again,my stomach lurches, and I throw up where I lie. I’m so nauseous I feel like I’m on a boat rather than on my bed. My back is on fire, burns throbbing with any slight movement, and the smell of stale cigarette smoke lingers in the air. I glance around the room, relieved to see that Shane isn’t here.
I push myself up on unsteady arms and turn over, wincing as I sit on the edge of the bed. I feel my pockets, but my phone isn’t there. Turning to look for it, I hiss at the pain before snatching it from the bedside table. I check the messages, but there’s nothing from Teddy. It’s three in the morning, so he won’t see if I text him. I stand up, the skin on my back pulling taut. Shane left my shirt on this time, and I can feel where it’s stuck to some of the blisters, every movement tearing them open again. I push the mattress over and grab my money, then limp to my door, opening it quietly. The house is silent again. I make my way downstairs, gripping the banister to steady myself, legs barely holding me upright. As I get to the living room, movement makes me jump so hard that pain shoots through my chest. When I look at the sofa, I see Mum asleep, facing away from me. I shuffle to the front door, wondering if she was in the house when everything happened. Whether she would care, or if she’d think it was what I deserved.
I close the front door quietly and slowly make my way to Teddy’s house. A walk that usually takes about ten minutes takes me half an hour or more. The lights are off, so I make my way into the back garden. Faced with a trellis that leads to the top ofa flat-roofed extension, I cry out in pain as I put one foot on the wood and pull myself up. Finally, I’m facing Teddy’s bedroom window. I press my cheek onto the cold glass to try and cool down before I collapse.
I knock on the window, but there’s no answer.
I knock again. Still nothing.
“Teddy, please!” I shout in desperation.
A light comes on from the room to my left, and I jump when the window opens.
“Who’s there?” Teddy’s dad, John, shouts sternly, popping his head out. He groans when he sees me, rubbing a hand over his face. “Bailey, what are you doing here?”
“I need Teddy,” I say quietly.
John stares at me, the furrow in his brow softening. “I’m sorry, but he’s gone.”
Gone?
“Decided to go to his grandparents early, he left in a rush a few hours ago.”
He wouldn’t … he wouldn’t just give up on us that quickly and leave.
“He texted me once he was already on the train, so there was nothing we could do about it. You two had a falling out?”
“Y-yes.”
“Right, well maybe he just needed some headspace. If you can’t go home, you can come in. Ellen would rather you stay here, I’m sure.”
Teddy’s parents know I have issues with my mum, but not much else. I can’t stay here though, not on my own. It doesn’t feel right. I shake my head and climb down the extension, biting my lip so hard from the pain in my back that I draw blood.
I make my way down the road, looking over my shoulder to make sure John isn’t following me, then pull my phone out, weighing heavily in my hands. I feel numb, not wanting tobelieve he’s actually left. I pull up Teddy’s number and ring him. Before it can even ring once, an automated voice says, “This number is unavailable.” I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it in disbelief, then open my texts and type out a message.
Me
Teddy, I’m sorry. Please, I need to talk to you
UNDELIVERED
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I pull my hair, barely registering the sting. I try another messenger service, typing out the same message, but the same thing happens. He’s blocked me on everything. I have no way to get hold of him. The ground collapses out from under me, ready to swallow me whole. I don’t know what to do—where to go. My fist tightens around my phone, useless to me now. “You left me behind!” I yell, as I throw it across the street, watching it shatter. Then I scream at the top of my lungs until there’s no air left. Collapsing to the ground, scratching the tarmac.
