Everything starts to come back to me. The arms surrounding me are thick and strong, and the body that’s curved around my back and thighs is larger than mine. I breathe in deeply, and I’m hit with a burst of amber and sandalwood. Something familiar lingers beneath it, something fresh and a little salty. I wonder if this is what it’s like to be held by the sea.
Slowly opening my eyes, I look down to see two hands pressed against my chest. Dark hairs on tanned forearms, and veins that fork up from the wrist. I focus on them and blow out a shaky breath.
“Shh, it’s fine. I think you had a nightmare.”
I cling to Teddy’s arms. “It wasn’t me? I didn’t hurt you?” I whisper, voice cracking.
He shifts closer, squeezing me tighter. “It wasn’t you. You didn’t hurt me, Bay.”
I’m struggling to process everything that Shane did to me. He lied to me for years and made me believe I was going crazy, just so he could …
“My head is fucked,” I mutter.
“I know, maybe you shouldn’t go to work today. Just take one more day?—”
“No. I need to go to work so I can sort everything out for Jake,” I say, pushing his arms away so I can get out of bed. I’m feeling restless all of a sudden, like I need to be moving … need to be doingsomething. “I can’t sit in this house for another day, thinking about everything. We should head back to Skye once I’m done.” I look over at Teddy. He’s lying on his back with one knee up, rubbing his face.
“Fine,” he huffs, throwing the duvet off. He gets up to gather his clothes, and I suck in a breath, choking on air as he bends down, presenting his arse to me. Two perfectly firm globes stretch the cotton of his briefs. My gaze trails over his body, from his broad back down to his thick thighs, then back up again.He looks over his shoulder, and I quickly turn my back to him, my cheeks burning. I quickly get dressed, then lead the way downstairs.
“I’ll be gone for a couple of hours,” I say as I pour hot water into my travel mug.
“I’m coming with you.”
“Why?”
“Because, Bailey.” He shoves his feet into his boots, then stands by the door, waiting.
I hate that my brain tries to trick me into thinking this is the same as when we were kids. We were inseparable for the whole two years we had together; it was easy, and we were happy that way. But this isn’t the same. This isn’t him wanting to be near me because he likes me. I can see it in how he stands—rigid, tapping his fingers against his thumb. He’s anxious about me … or for me. Maybe both. Either way, I don’t like it. I’ve survived years without him. I have methods to regulate myself; I have Noah, and I have a therapist. I don’t want him fussing over me like I’m breakable.
But then I think about how he held on to me while we were in bed, and that didn’t feel so bad. It felt more familiar than anything else in the past two days, his body curled around mine, warm and strong. I shake my head; there’s no point in thinking about him that way. We’ll soon be heading back to Skye for the wedding, then I’ll come back to Cumbria and he’ll stay there.
“Come on then,” I say, giving in all too easily.
The headlights comingtoward us become more and more infrequent the further into the Highlands we get. With the sun setting behind the Munros, shadows jump across the landscape, making my head spin. I try to close my eyes, but the motion of the car makes my stomach churn.
Shane comes to my side and places a hand on my ribs. “Just a little something to remind you of who will always be there for you, even when everyone else turns their back.”
“Pull over, please,” I beg, already opening the passenger door.
Teddy slams on the brakes, and the seatbelt pulling tight across my stomach is the final straw. One hand over my mouth, I unbuckle myself and jump out of the car, spilling the contents of my stomach over the tarmac. A hand touches me as I hunch over, and my spine jars as I flinch away from it.
“You okay?” Teddy asks, rubbing circles on my back.
I focus on the heat of his palm and count his fingers as they push into my skin. I nod, trying to stand upright again, but the blood rushes to my head, and I collapse to the side, right into Teddy. He catches me and lowers me back to the ground, then goes back to the car.
I close my eyes, unable to stop thinking about Shane. The relief of knowing I hadn’t hurt Teddy was stripped away with the realisation that Shane had manipulated me. The monster I thought lingered inside me turned out to be a monster I’d lived alongside for years, instead. It didn’t matter that I’d been in therapy for the past five years, discussing how my mum hated me and my step father had raped me, when I’d never realised Shane was the catalyst for my trauma.
Teddy nudges my shoulder, handing me a bottle of mouthwash. I take a swig, then spit it onto the ground. He’s messed with my head too, Teddy. All that aggression and hostility he held because he thought I’d hurt him—replaced withthis need to look after me—is giving me whiplash. Two days alone with him is all it took to throw my world out of balance. It’s like my mind is a ball of wool that’s been rolling around for years, tying itself into more and more knots. I can’t even find the end to know where to begin untangling it. It’s hard to believe Shane had tricked me into thinking I’d done all those bad things when Ifeltlike I had. It’s making me doubt everything I thought I knew about myself.
“I know it’s been a lot, the last two days. But when we get back to Skye, you’ll—you’ll at least have Noah there to help you,” Teddy says through clenched teeth.
I look up at him, noticing he’s scowling. “Do you not like Noah?”
“Why would I not like Noah?”
“I don’t know—that’s why I’m asking. It sounded like you didn’t like the idea of Noah helping me. Maybe I misunderstood?—”
“Are you in a relationship with him?”
