She huffs. “You say that like you hated it, when we both know it’s the only way you’d sit still long enough to watch the whole thing.”
She’s got me there.
“So where are you now?” she asks, turning to face me.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you still like him?”
The question drops between us, growing bigger and bigger until it sucks all the oxygen from the room. I can’t explain how or why I still do. I haven’t felt this way in so long, but it feels easy with him. Like I don’t have to get to know him, or learn to trust him again from scratch. The ghost of all those feelings is still inside me. As soon as I realised I was safe to be close to him again, the wall that I’d built to protect myself crumbled completely.
“Yeah,” I murmur, avoiding eye contact. “I still like him.”
I sitto the left of the aisle, next to my parents, watching Isla with her hand in Richard’s at the front of the church. He’s sliding the ring onto her finger, and I try to pay attention but my eyes keep wandering to my right. Bailey’s sitting just across the aisle from me, dressed in a fitted black suit, with his hair tied up into a neat bun, showing off his long, slender neck.
He turns and catches my eye, cheeks turning pink when he notices me staring. He quickly looks back to Isla and Richard. Reluctantly I do the same, tuning in just as they finish making their vows, then join everyone standing up, clapping and cheering as they leave the church. Guests start spilling out into the aisle to follow them, and I let Bailey go first, my gaze sweeping down the length of his back to his arse, watching as it jiggles slightly in his tight trousers with every step he takes.
“What are you doing?” Rob appears out of nowhere, pressing himself right up against me, drawing my attention away from Bailey.
“I’m just walking.”
“Looked to me like you were checking out your ex-boyfriend’s arse,” he says quietly so only I can hear him.
“You shut up and mind your own business. What have you been doing with Noah?”
He grins at me and shrugs. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
No, actually I would not like to know. Robbie has fucked his way through this island and now he’s apparently determined to conquer England too.
When we get back to the farm, I’m dragged and pulled about as the photographer gets every pairing possible of the guests. My jaw is sore from smiling by the time we finish, and my stomach grumbles, demanding attention.
I head into the barn, finding my name card and sitting down at the table, waiting for the rest of the guests. Bailey comes and sits next to me, and Ma takes her seat next to him, much to her delight. She spends the entire meal chatting his ear off, asking him what he’s been up to since moving away from Surrey.
I sit quietly and listen to them talk easily with one another. Bailey explains how Jake helped him by giving him a job and supporting him while he did a part-time degree in horticulture, and that when he finished, he and Noah spent a year travelling in South America. Ma gasps when he tells her they did the Inca Trail in Peru.
He’s had a whole life without me. Memories we could have shared, ripped away, all because his brother wanted me as far away as possible. The room fades away, and I only have eyes for Bailey. Staring at his profile, I watch his lips curve up into a genuine smile when Ma tells him how adventurous he is compared to me.
At some point, my hand slips under the table and grabs his knee. He jumps at the contact and looks down at his lap, then up at me. I look away as I move my hand to his thigh and squeeze.
“You okay?” Ma asks him.
“Y-yes, sorry I missed the question.” He relaxes his thigh, and doesn’t push me away.
“I asked when you’re going back to Cumbria? I don’t think I’m quite ready to say goodbye.”
You and me both, Ma.
“We have one more week here, then unfortunately, it’s back to the grind.”
Isla’s Da stands up at the head table and taps a knife gently against his champagne glass, drawing our attention. He starts off the speeches, but I quickly tune him out when I feel Bailey lay his hand over mine. I spread my fingers wide, my breath catching in my throat when he doesn’t hesitate to slide his between them. I can’t hear a thing. Can’t see anyone but him. There’s just his hand in mine, and something too big for words pulsing between us.
Bailey stiffens, squeezing my hand a little tighter, snapping me out of my daze. When I focus on the head table again, I notice Richard’s in the middle of his speech.
“... I wish Mum could have met Isla.” He reaches down, and Isla grabs his hand, kissing the back of it. Richard’s voice wavers slightly, and he smiles at his dad before continuing. “And I wish that Jamie could have stood behind me with Noah as a groomsman. This has been the hardest yet happiest day of my life, and I believe that somehow they were here with us?—”
I don’t hear the rest, because my attention is drawn to Noah. He stands up suddenly and storms out of the barn. Bailey untangles his hand from mine and slips out of his chair to rush after him. I stare at the door, waiting for them to come back, but eventually the speeches are finished and the food is cleared away. The band sets up on the stage, and the first dance is about to begin—there’s still no sign of Bailey.
“Theo?”Emmy tugs on my shirt as I dance with her little feet on my shoes. I haven’t seen my cousin Joy’s kid since she was a shy little three-year-old. Now she’s an eight-year-old with attitude, demanding dances from me—we’re already on our third.
